Spirit Moon rising for the new year. Sick dog and chicken, in addition to me. Sales/shares very much needed going into 2018.

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

Last day of the calendar year, and one day off a full Spirit Moon (sometimes called Great Spirit Moon). I hope it brings us all a good year, and a better world. Spirit knows we need it.

So this morning began with She-Wolf having been sick — really sick, the kind of sick that could be nothing or could be something very, very bad. Not sick enough, probably, to be considered an emergency by the vet on New Year's Eve, and she seemed to be feeling just fine otherwise and in very good spirits, so we're monitoring closely. She seems to be a bit better tonight, so fingers crossed that by Tuesday she's clearly okay. 

Ember will probably not be so lucky.

She's the chicken who became egg-bound a couple of years ago, and we spent days working to save her, which we obviously did. She's been doing very, very well until two days ago, and she seemed to be having some discomfort, but then after I worked on her a little, seemed to snap out of it. Last night, though, she put herself to bed inside the coop instead of on top of it, which is where she and her sister Dahlia always go when they're not feeling well. Today, she wouldn't come out, and by tonight, she was clearly cold and uncomfortable. She's now in an old plastic shopping basket lined with a very old throw rug, over next to the big woodstove, which is going strong. And she seems to be feeling a bit better, just being warm, but I've seen the signs often enough over the years to be pretty sure that she doesn't have long. She's one of the five remaining chickens from the 2014 bunch, several of which came, apparently, from a breeder with some . . . hmm . . . lacking skills or something. At any rate, genetics appears to be at the heart of their issues. And having saved her once from the egg-binding problem, she's been more at risk anyway, but she's nearly five years old, and we extended her life for about two and a half years beyond what, by any measure, we expected when that happened to her in 2015. Still, it's breaking my heart. but at least she's with us, and she's warm.

For me, the day's been a mix, physically. Second day on the new med; still not a lot of sleep, but a little; O2 sat levels a tiny bit better overall but pulse rate still spiking too much; lots of reactive issues; and trip to the grocery store, even with my cane, resulted in Wings sending me out to the truck while he checked out, because there were no chairs and he could tell my exhaustion and balance issues were doing me in. This stuff is hard. Taking a few steps spikes my pulse rate and wears me out. It's not even a question of taking it easy; it's that the most basic stuff is suddenly impossible. I hide as much of it as I can from everybody else, because who wants to show that kind of fatigue and pain and discomfort to the world? But it's there even when I can disguise it, and I'm not doing very well at that, either.

So there's a lot of uncertainty at year's end (and a lot of worry on more fundamental levels than just paying bills and so forth). For now, we still need to make sales, and they will be harder than usual not merely because Christmas is essentially over, but because there is no real tourist traffic, much less spending. Today was the busiest we've seen in town all season, and it doesn't hold a candle to the crowds of just a few years ago. We will make it through this last week of the year now, but beyond that, we don't have what normally gets us through the rest of the winter (and the weather will change, even if it's only to get really, really cold), much less for the emergency medical expenses of the last six weeks (which included a new bill today for nearly five figures), forget what remains to be done on the house for now. But sales are not just what's going to keep me alive and Wings healthy; it's going to help other folks, too. Given the circumstances, I'm leaving up the donation link, too, and the registries have some new items on then, mostly lower-priced, to replace stuff damaged by the RV or given away when we first moved into it seven years ago. So please share our links:

• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• Wings's site, for sales;
• Wayfair gift cards, to replenish all the furnishings that the RV has destroyed in one way or another.
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
• Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. Still waiting for them to resolve this fulfillment/shipping problem they have with their site. Even so, I've added some things (kitchen/dining room stuff mostly), most of which are comparatively reasonably priced. Now, it's going to be mostly odds and ends that make this place more liveable, because of the sheer volume of stuff destroyed by too many years in the RV (e.g., by the oven and stovetop, by the wiring, by the water, by the mold, etc.), or that we simply gave away seven years ago because we had no room and no place to put them and despaired of ever being able to use them again.  

As I've also been saying, I am still catching up, and will be now for a while. But this is the holiday season, and the sales/commissions from these few weeks are what keep us alive throughout the whole long winter and spring months (to say nothing of what's in the offing medically), so please continue to share the links. And please refer folks to Wings's site (and if you have an endorsement, too, so much the better). I'll be trying, slowly but, I hope, steadily, to get caught up over the course of this week. We have some massive expenses coming down the pike, and a lot of testing yet to be done before I'm out of the woods. So please keep sharing all our links. For now, I'm just so damn grateful to be alive, to have a healthy heart, to be back home with the love of my life and our dogs, the whole world is beautiful, even in spite of my terrible depression. Thanks again, to everybody; we love you all. And, if wishes can make dreams come true, a happy, healthy new year to all of us.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

At Year's End, A World In Harmony

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

Now posted at The NDN Silver Blog, it's a work for a year just ending, and for a new one about to be born. It's a piece completed today that feels like an expression of hope, a token of faith, and most of all, a prayer for Mother Earth: a prayer for, at year's end, a world in harmony.

The post is here. Wings's main page is here. Inquiries via the site's Contact form. And, as always, sales are very much needed (especially now), so shares of the site links are much appreciated.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

Day to day, moment to moment. Warrioring up as best I can. Sales/shares badly needed.

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

Yeah, I'm using a photo from October, because I need some help warrioring up right now.

I'm on the new med for the autoimmune stuff. I didn't sleep well last night, but that's the norm now. I couldn't tell what effect that might have had on it (it's a bedtime dose), but I think none; it felt as though, in ordinary circumstances, it would've made me sleepy, if anything. But my body is completely haywire right now, and even Benadryl doesn't knock me out anymore. At any rate, the day started (for me physically, I mean) as well as could be expected under the circumstances; as of an hour or two ago, it keeps trying to slide sideways, and I'm hanging on for dear life while I try to fight it. None of the usual patterns hold with whatever this is, and since no one but me has any real urgency in finding out what it is, I'm left to fend for myself through the remainder of the holidays and beyond. I do know that, every step of the way, I keep having to request the most basic things, and I also know that the oxygen that we had to figure out for ourselves and then go and pay for all on our own is the only thing that's keeping me going right now.

It's rather terrifying. All the more so knowing that I can't get so much as an answer for another week-plus.

So I will be worth not very much for the rest of this day; all my energy is going into maintaining. Yes, I'm using euphemisms across the board, so please don't voice them to me in plainer terms; I don't need the additional fear right now, okay? I got another $9K bill yesterday, in top of all the others, and that's stress enough, thanks. I don't have any answers right now, and I cannot let myself get sucked under worrying about bills when all my energy has to go to surviving, so my focus will seem rather superficial because it's what allows me to deal with this and keep going from day to day and moment to moment. And it is moment to moment. I can't make people understand, but that's where things are. Without Wings? I wouldn't even be here.

So there's a lot of uncertainty at year's end (and a lot of worry on more fundamental levels than just paying bills and so forth). For now, we still need to make sales, and they will be harder than usual not merely because Christmas is essentially over, but because there is no real tourist traffic, much less spending. Today was the busiest we've seen in town all season, and it doesn't hold a candle to the crowds of just a few years ago. We will make it through this last week of the year now, but beyond that, we don't have what normally gets us through the rest of the winter (and the weather will change, even if it's only to get really, really cold), much less for the emergency medical expenses of the last six weeks (which included a new bill today for nearly five figures), forget what remains to be done on the house for now. But sales are not just what's going to keep me alive and Wings healthy; it's going to help other folks, too. Given the circumstances, I'm leaving up the donation link, too, and the registries have some new items on then, mostly lower-priced, to replace stuff damaged by the RV or given away when we first moved into it seven years ago. So please share our links:

• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• Wings's site, for sales;
• Wayfair gift cards, to replenish all the furnishings that the RV has destroyed in one way or another.
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
• Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. Still waiting for them to resolve this fulfillment/shipping problem they have with their site. Even so, I've added some things (kitchen/dining room stuff mostly), most of which are comparatively reasonably priced. Now, it's going to be mostly odds and ends that make this place more liveable, because of the sheer volume of stuff destroyed by too many years in the RV (e.g., by the oven and stovetop, by the wiring, by the water, by the mold, etc.), or that we simply gave away seven years ago because we had no room and no place to put them and despaired of ever being able to use them again.  

As I've also been saying, I am still catching up, and will be now for a while. But this is the holiday season, and the sales/commissions from these few weeks are what keep us alive throughout the whole long winter and spring months (to say nothing of what's in the offing medically), so please continue to share the links. And please refer folks to Wings's site (and if you have an endorsement, too, so much the better). I'll be trying, slowly but, I hope, steadily, to get caught up over the course of this week. We have some massive expenses coming down the pike, and a lot of testing yet to be done before I'm out of the woods. So please keep sharing all our links. For now, I'm just so damn grateful to be alive, to have a healthy heart, to be back home with the love of my life and our dogs, the whole world is beautiful, even in spite of my terrible depression. Thanks again, to everybody, and we love you all.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

To Heal the Earth's Heart

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

Now posted at The NDN Silver Blog, it's a work embodying that which gives the whole world life. It's also a message, in a world now past several tipping points and at yet another threshold, that this is a time for us to heal the Earth's heart — and with it, ourselves.

The post is here. Wings's main page is here. Inquiries via the site's Contact form. And, as always, sales are very much needed (especially now), so shares of the site links are much appreciated.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

Messengers and messages. A lot of uncertainty at year's end. Sales/shares needed.

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

She was in the aspen this morning, a magpie a couple of branches away. She let me get remarkably close, considering how skittish her clan usually is. She gave me this.

In our way, flickers are messengers. We had no idea this morning how many messages there would be today. 

River will be leaving for Cuba early Tuesday morning, but he's leaving for Albuquerque tomorrow. We had to make arrangements to meet him to get his spending money to him for the trip (we had planned just to give it to him on Sunday when he came here to work, but apparently they wanted everyone in ABQ a day or so early, and he's going down earlier yet to stay with his brother). His mom is supposed to be coming home tonight, if all goes well, but it sounds as though they don't really know what happened with her the other morning, whether it was indeed a small stroke or something related to her cancer or something else entirely.

We had several other errands to run, and of course, with my current health issues, that means I have to go along. If I'm feeling really unsteady, I sit in the truck; if not, I make my way around slowly. I did remarkably well today, considering that when we're out, I have no O2 access. At the grocery store, we ran into a friend whose sister is gravely ill, and it turns out to connect up with my own course of treatment in some odd ways, so I have info to send to her now. And then we just learned, an hour or so ago, that another friend suffered an enormous loss on Christmas morning, so that's where our hearts are right now.

December seems an increasingly cruel month, but I don't think that's the message. The world is hugely unfair, but I suspect that's not the message either. I'm not sure what our flicker girl intended for us this morning, but I suspect it's a combination of gratitude for what we are granted each day and conviction that we are here to help others. 

One of our resolutions will be to step it up on both counts.

With what's been going on with me, every morning that I open my eyes to see the light is the greatest of gifts. Every day that I have with Wings, to love each other, is the greatest of gifts. And the fact that we finally do both in the warmth and safety of a home? I have no words.

But there's a lot of uncertainty at year's end. For now, we still need to make sales, and they will be harder than usual not merely because Christmas is essentially over, but because there is no real tourist traffic, much less spending. Today was the busiest we've seen in town all season, and it doesn't hold a candle to the crowds of just a few years ago. We will make it through this last week of the year now, but beyond that, we don't have what normally gets us through the rest of the winter (and the weather will change, even if it's only to get really, really cold), much less for the emergency medical expenses of the last six weeks (which included a new bill today for nearly five figures), forget what remains to be done on the house for now. But sales are not just what's going to keep me alive and Wings healthy; it's going to help other folks, too. Given the circumstances, I'm leaving up the donation link, too, and the registries have some new items on then, mostly lower-priced, to replace stuff damaged by the RV or given away when we first moved into it seven years ago. So please share our links:

• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• Wings's site, for sales;
• Wayfair gift cards, to replenish all the furnishings that the RV has destroyed in one way or another.
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
• Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. Still waiting for them to resolve this fulfillment/shipping problem they have with their site. Even so, I've added some things (kitchen/dining room stuff mostly), most of which are comparatively reasonably priced. Now, it's going to be mostly odds and ends that make this place more liveable, because of the sheer volume of stuff destroyed by too many years in the RV (e.g., by the oven and stovetop, by the wiring, by the water, by the mold, etc.), or that we simply gave away seven years ago because we had no room and no place to put them and despaired of ever being able to use them again. A CHANGE ABOUT WAYFAIR:  NO MORE CROWDFUNDING. Their Web site coding is bad, and it will not permit crowdfunded items to ship. Items purchased outright arrive in two business days, but you can't even get the others out of the warehouse. 

As I've also been saying, I am still catching up, and will be now for a while. But this is the holiday season, and the sales/commissions from these few weeks are what keep us alive throughout the whole long winter and spring months (to say nothing of what's in the offing medically), so please continue to share the links. And please refer folks to Wings's site (and if you have an endorsement, too, so much the better). I'll be trying, slowly but, I hope, steadily, to get caught up over the course of this week. We have some massive expenses coming down the pike, and a lot of testing yet to be done before I'm out of the woods. So please keep sharing all our links. For now, I'm just so damn grateful to be alive, to have a healthy heart, to be back home with the love of my life and our dogs, the whole world is beautiful, even in spite of my terrible depression. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, thanks again, to everybody, and we love you all.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

Friday Feature: Winter Spirits and the World's Healing

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

It's our Friday Feature at The NDN Silver Blog, with a diminutive being who carries medicine, and a message of rest, too. It's a reminder to heed the lesson of the natural world in this season of winter spirits and the world's healing, medicine for the earth, and for us, as well.

The post is here. Wings's main page is here. Inquiries via the site's Contact form. And, as always, sales are very much needed (especially now; more medical bills in today's mail), so shares of the site links are much appreciated.  



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

The gentlest spirits cast the longest shadows. For Janet, three years on.

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

It's a day to deal with death. Perhaps not capital-D Death, the Reaper in full form, but with the fallout: the grief, the loss, the void . . . and the shadows cast.

I've written about one lost on this day already; one lost yesterday four years past. There was another one on this day, too, a dear friend who walked on three years ago. Some knew her by her online name elsewhere, bleeding heart, but I knew her, in the end, as Janet. She was one of those ethereally beautiful woman, one who, if I had to choose a single descriptor, I would have said was the very embodiment of gentleness. I have no doubt that she could be fierce when required, but it was not her essence.

Three years ago, I learned that she was gravely ill on the very same day that her spirit transcended her bonds here. I had written then, briefly, of my wish for her, and I chose an image I had captured that same day, one of the winter willows above the pond, their upper branches spangled with ice in the fading light.

For this day, I thought I knew the image I would choose: those same winter willows, but the lower branches this time, glowing gold in the fading light, arced downward to weep over the ice that is all that remains of the pond now.

Ice. The name of my horse, now also gone, for whom she offered her own prayers when it looked as though we might lose him near four years ago. That horse is inextricably intertwined in my memories with certain people, and Janet is one; at the time, I saw her free in body and spirit alike, no longer in any pain, riding the light on the back of a white horse named Ice. 

We lost him on August 6th of this year, a belated casualty of the abuse and neglect he had suffered before he found us. And on that summer's evening, as twilight fell, I saw in my mind's eye Janet, wearing her beautifully flowing clothes, walking softly in the fading light beneath the aspens, stopping to look at a leaf here, a shadow there . . . and then looking up to see a white horse named Ice waiting for her at the edge of the trees. I saw her walk up to him, hand out, recognition in both their eyes, and I saw him put his muzzle into her hand — a feat for a horse abused in life by a bit and terrified of such contact. And I saw them walk together, before the image turned to smoke.

Did they find each other? I will never know, at least on this side of things, how such things work. I only know how vividly I saw it, unsummoned and unbidden, in my mind.

And when I looked at the photos I took this evening, the weeping boughs were beautiful in the light . . . but the panoramic shot was the one that spoke her name. It was the trees, and the light, and the silvery winter sky . . . but it was also the long, strong shadows cast upon the ground. And I realized that there was a reason, because Janet's legacy is not the tears, but the shadows, not the loss, but the great marks made by her life lived so gently upon the earth, the sheltering shadows cast by her beautiful spirit.

What she left to Wings and me were long and influential shadows indeed: another friend in her husband, a renewed belief in the human spirit, and a vision of her with my beloved horse, both well and happy now in their own plane of existence. The last seems to hold out hope for a future beyond the one we see.

And perhaps another lesson, too? The essential truth that the gentlest spirits cast the longest, most influential shadows? In that, she reminds me a bit of my oldest sister, now gone nearly a quarter of a century.

All I know, three years on, is that I owe her a debt of gratitude for her presence in my life, and for the love that her spirit still sends across the world like a shadow lengthening in the waning light.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

Water, Light, and Love. Lin, One Year On.

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

A year ago today, the water met the light.

I said goodbye, from a distance, to one of the dearest friends I've ever known. Her sister Laura, who was far closer to her even than I, lost her North Star.

And now, one year on, not a day goes by that Lin does not live on in my mind.

It's been, in so very many ways, a terrible year. She lived long enough to glimpse some of what this year would bring to the world, and perhaps her spirit decided that her body should be spared the task of navigating it.

Still, she should have lived so much longer, had so much more, and it's obscene that what passes for "healthcare" in this country is such an abomination that the system and its cogs felt perfectly comfortable dismissing her, her words, her self, her life. Lin deserved the best the world has to offer, and she sure as hell deserved better than it gave her.

But a year ago, on this day at December's end, Linda McClure slipped free of the shackles of pain, free of the fear that accompanies it, free of the bonds that tethered her spirit to this earth. And for a woman who was to me the water, and to Laura the light, I nonetheless caught an image, just the briefest glimpse, of her flying: flying like the hawk who appeared to me that December morning as (unbeknownst to me then) her escort, her spirit soaring from southern California east- and northward, soaring and circling and then wheeling tight for a downward dive to tumble into her favorite place on earth, Bash-Bish Falls. I saw her lie back in its silky waters to float, then laugh, then splash the waters skyward so the drops could join the stars.

And there is not a day that I don't think, "I need to tell Lin . . . ." And then I remember again that there will be no telling Lin anything, ever again, and then the tears flow like the falls all over again. The tears were my companion daily for the first six months; I don't think a day went by that I did not shed at least a few. It got easier, in the sense that the weeping eased, after that point, but the tears still rise up to blind and blindside me out of nowhere when I least expect it. She was one of those rare spirits who became a lodestone for those she loved, a point on the compass, a guide . . . as Laura put it, the North Star, and losing her destroyed our sense of direction. Heaven knows that in the months since her departure, the world has needed guidance. In my darker moments, I wonder how much the world has lost without her here to help steer.

Linda was not the sort of person who, as far as I could tell, ever aspired to be in charge, particularly. She wasn't about ego, didn't live her life in search of subjects or followers. She did what she did as she could, and she did what she thought was right within the constraints life presents us all, and she always tried to find ways to do a little better than that, too. She was the kind of person who did not so much learn the lessons of childhood as become them: Lin was sharing; she was acceptance; she was open-heartedness; she was a friend. There really aren't many of those in this world. Finding her was a great gift; losing her, an unspeakable grief.

Daily Kos was her online home, a place where, as Patriot Daily News Clearinghouse or PDNC, she built community daily, bringing people together in common cause. She never knew, I think, how many, many people she touched, even across the great unbreachable void of cyberspace. I don't think she had any idea just how many people sought her counsel and valued her opinion, how many relied on the sense of community and stability and, frankly, fun that she brought to everything she said and did. It's a spirit has been in tragically short supply.

I wonder, at times, whether she bothers checking in from whatever beautiful plane she occupies now. I know she checks on Laura; of that I have no doubt. About seven weeks ago, I had my own brush with death (and its fingers have not yet entirely let go). As I sat waiting the thirty to forty minutes it took the ambulance to arrive, unable to stand or move, watching the gray fading inward at the edges of my vision, praying desperately and able to voice only one word, "Please," I found myself thinking of Lin and what she would have done. Was this how it felt for her? I remember thinking, absurdly, "What would Lin tell me to do?" 

I suppose that was when I realized that no one has any answers, you just gotta go with the flow, regardless of whether you wind up in the lake or the river. I was spared the river, at least for that moment. But I had a newfound respect for what she had faced down, and I couldn't help feeling that she had won — she had defeated them all, doctors and hospitals and cancer and pain and death itself. Hers was a spirit too light, too much of the light, ever to lose, or to be lost.

And now, with my own battle ahead of me and a lot that remains unknown, I look out at what remains of the water here, and it is ice: hard, but brittle. A month ago, it was solid, deep, its frozen surface braided together like strands of sweetgrass, just enough shine to it to show the reflection of the willows weeping onto its surface.

And I thought of Lin.

Water, light, and love braided together — simultaneously eternal and ephemeral, changing form and transcending the bounds of this world.  

Like Lin.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

Christmas skies and emotional minefields. Sales/shares very much needed.

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

That was Christmas Day, or more accurately, evening, just before sunset. No snow, but it was a day of beautiful skies.

Early again today, because I have more to write beyond the usual. This is a hard anniversary (or collection of them, actually). Whatever's going on with me right now physically also causes extreme emotional lability, and I find myself weeping unexpectedly, off and on, seemingly at nothing although in reality it's very much out of grief. To top it all off, a dear friend has a relative in the hospital today, too, and River's mother has had what might be a small stroke; no one has details yet, and we're waiting to hear, but on top of her cancer, this is a terrible turn of events. And River leaves for Cuba in five days (and yes, he has to go). At any rate, expect me to be emotional and distracted and unfocused and just generally not good for much. Physically I'm not good for much anyway, but I still have to make my way through some crowded emotional minefields today, too. 

For now, the new year is less than three days away, and we still need sales, and they will be harder than usual not merely because Christmas is essentially over, but because there is no real tourist traffic, much less spending. We will make it through this last week of the year now, but beyond that, we don't have what normally gets us through the rest of the winter (and the weather will change, even if it's only to get really, really cold), much less for the emergency medical expenses of the last six weeks, forget what remains to be done on the house for now. But sales are not just what's going to keep me alive and Wings healthy; it's going to help other folks, too. Given the circumstances, I'm leaving up the donation link, too, and the registries have some new items on then, mostly lower-priced, to replace stuff damaged by the RV or given away when we first moved into it seven years ago. So please share our links:

• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• Wings's site, for sales;
• Wayfair gift cards, to replenish all the furnishings that the RV has destroyed in one way or another.
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
• Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. Still waiting for them to resolve this fulfillment/shipping problem they have with their site. Even so, I've added some things (kitchen/dining room stuff mostly), most of which are comparatively reasonably priced. Now, it's going to be mostly odds and ends that make this place more liveable, because of the sheer volume of stuff destroyed by too many years in the RV (e.g., by the oven and stovetop, by the wiring, by the water, by the mold, etc.), or that we simply gave away seven years ago because we had no room and no place to put them and despaired of ever being able to use them again. A CHANGE ABOUT WAYFAIR:  NO MORE CROWDFUNDING. Their Web site coding is bad, and it will not permit crowdfunded items to ship. Items purchased outright arrive in two business days, but you can't even get the others out of the warehouse. 

As I've also been saying, I am still catching up, and will be now for a while. But this is the holiday season, and the sales/commissions from these few weeks are what keep us alive throughout the whole long winter and spring months (to say nothing of what's in the offing medically), so please continue to share the links. And please refer folks to Wings's site (and if you have an endorsement, too, so much the better). I'll be trying, slowly but, I hope, steadily, to get caught up over the course of this week. We have some massive expenses coming down the pike, and a lot of testing yet to be done before I'm out of the woods. So please keep sharing all our links. For now, I'm just so damn grateful to be alive, to have a healthy heart, to be back home with the love of my life and our dogs, the whole world is beautiful, even in spite of my terrible depression. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, thanks again, to everybody, and we love you all.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

#ThrowbackThursday: A World In Full Flower

Photo copyright Wings, 2017; all rights reserved.

It's #TBT at The NDN Silver Blog, with a work from about a decade ago that always put me in mind of a Mother Earth in health and harmony. It was a pair of earrings in an old traditional blossom design, the incarnation of a world in full flower.

The post is here. Wings's main page is here. These sold in 2008, if memory serves, but if the style speaks to your spirit, simply inquire via the site's Contact form; Wings can create a version uniquely your own. And, as always, sales are very mjuch needed (especially now), so shares of the site links are much appreciated.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Wings and Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.

A Song for Two Warriors

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

December gets harder every year. 

There are now no fewer than four people whose walking on we have to mourn, all in the span of eleven days (three of them across a two-day period). There's also Ice, because even though his first anniversary will be next August, Christmas Eve was the anniversary of the day four years ago that he crossed over through the fence and came to us.

Three days before Carter Camp walked on.

If you've read one of the works by Carter's cousin, you'll know that a white horse figures in it in a very specific way. We always felt as though Carter sent Ice to us, knowing that the wild white horse, the warrior horse, would be safe here. It felt like a link to his spirit, too, unbroken by time and space and mortality.

Now Ice has walked on, too.

And neither is ever far from our thoughts. It's impossible to think of one without also thinking of the other. But four years on, it seems important to do our remembering in the open for this man who was elder, teacher, warrior, brother to us both. Wings and I don't do heroes, and we certainly don't do saints, but Carter was as close as it comes — no worship, just a profound and soul-deep form of traditional respect and honor for that rarest of men, the sort who speaks little and does much, who walks the talk even when he doesn't talk much, at least in the sense of wasting a moment's thought on cameras and microphones and cultivating an audience.

As I said at prayer this morning, Carter, we remember you, we honor you, we thank you, and we love you. The same holds true of the white horse you sent to find us. This day is a song for two warriors. 



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

Starshine and beauty and warrioring up, with help. Sales/shares very much needed.

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

Yes, it's listing a little, but that's from Monday. Our little five-dollar star had no lights, just plastic designed to look like frosted glass and bronze. So Wings took a strand of the fairy lights leftover from the wedding, popped a battery in them, and wound it around each spoke of the star so that it would shine. I love this man.

This is early today, because I'm completely wiped out. Yesterday began in the "bad" category, but after posting last night, moved into the "terribly/terrifying" category, and it took every bit of warrioring up I had in me to get through it. But I did it.

I didn't do it alone, of course; without Wings, I'd never have made it through all of this stuff this far. I don't really have words to describe it, and unless you've been through it, you can't imagine. You may think you do; you don't. I know this because I've taken care of elders through emergent cardiac events and other related severe health issues, and I thought I got it, and I now know that I had no. freaking. idea. It's not knowledge that empathy can give you; only experience. 

And so today is not a good day; a lot of raw exhaustion, and a lot of physical pain and other discomfort. [This day is sad for other reasons, too, and if I can find the photo I want, I'll post it separately; Carter walked on four years ago today, and we miss him like it was yesterday.] And yet, it's a very good day, because I'm still here: I woke up and saw the sun out the window this morning, and I watched the birds swooping in for breakfast, and we are warm in our home (our home!), and even without snow, the world is beautiful. So beautiful. I remember riding in the ambulance down to Albuquerque, and watching the town fade into the distance behind us from a wholly different vantage point (backwards, and farther below, because that vehicle sits up high), and I remember thinking that everything —  everything — was so beautiful that it felt like my heart would burst just from the sheer power of it.

But we still need sales, and they will be harder than usual not merely because Christmas is essentially over, but because there is no real tourist traffic, much less spending. We will make it through this last week of the year now, but beyond that, we don't have what normally gets us through the rest of the winter (and the weather will change, even if it's only to get really, really cold), much less for the emergency medical expenses of the last six weeks, forget what remains to be done on the house for now. But sales are not just what's going to keep me alive and Wings healthy; it's going to help other folks, too. Given the circumstances, I'm leaving up the donation link, too, and the registries have some new items on then, mostly lower-priced, to replace stuff damaged by the RV or given away when we first moved into it seven years ago. So please share our links:

• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• Wings's site, for sales;
• Wayfair gift cards, to replenish all the furnishings that the RV has destroyed in one way or another.
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
• Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. Still waiting for them to resolve this fulfillment/shipping problem they have with their site. Even so, I've added some things (kitchen/dining room stuff mostly), most of which are comparatively reasonably priced. Now, it's going to be mostly odds and ends that make this place more liveable, because of the sheer volume of stuff destroyed by too many years in the RV (e.g., by the oven and stovetop, by the wiring, by the water, by the mold, etc.), or that we simply gave away seven years ago because we had no room and no place to put them and despaired of ever being able to use them again. A CHANGE ABOUT WAYFAIR:  NO MORE CROWDFUNDING. Their Web site coding is bad, and it will not permit crowdfunded items to ship. Items purchased outright arrive in two business days, but you can't even get the others out of the warehouse. 

As I've also been saying, I am still catching up, and will be now for a while. But this is the holiday season, and the sales/commissions from these few weeks are what keep us alive throughout the whole long winter and spring months (to say nothing of what's in the offing medically), so please continue to share the links. And please refer folks to Wings's site (and if you have an endorsement, too, so much the better). I'll be trying, slowly but, I hope, steadily, to get caught up over the course of this week. We have some massive expenses coming down the pike, and a lot of testing yet to be done before I'm out of the woods. So please keep sharing all our links. For now, I'm just so damn grateful to be alive, to have a healthy heart, to be back home with the love of my life and our dogs, the whole world is beautiful, even in spite of my terrible depression. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, thanks again, to everybody, and we love you all.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

The Things of the Earth Are First Things

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

Now posted at The NDN Silver Blog, it's a work that returns to the center of all things, to our collective Mother. It's a reminder, too, to center her protection, because the things of the Earth are first things, for all of us.

The post is here. Wings's main page is here. Inquiries via the site's Contact form. And, as always, sales are very much needed (especially now), so shares of the site links are much appreciated.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

Warrior up. And weep for joy, too. Sales/shares needed, of course.

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

Today was all peaks and valleys, sometimes at the same time. Physically, it's been less than optimal; I've always had my good days and my bad days with my autoimmune disease, but lately, it's okay days and not-so-good days and bad days and frankly terrible-and-terrifying days. Any day out of the hospital is better than the last category, but today definitely fell into the outright bad one. And there's no rhyme or reason to it, no apparent identifiable pattern, and I can't get a handle on it.

Still.

We awakened this morning to good things, too. I think we will be fine until the first of the year. We still need to make sales, of course (and Wings needs to get some studio time to build up our woefully low inventory). But we owe a great deal of gratitude to a few folks right now.

And the morning brought us that up there (or, rather, it brought me that up there). Normally, I go out to pray first thing in the morning. Since I got sick in November, and especially since my last hospitalization a few weeks ago, I can't tolerate extreme cold, and my balance isn't good enough (nor a lot of other things) for me to go out so early. This day was sufficiently bad that I waited extra-long to do it, several ours beyond my usual time. And as I walked out, suddenly from just beyond the east fence, a raven flushed something big up from the ground, something with a white band at the top of its tail.

Now, there are two hawks that fit that description, one the harrier who has been here (and showed up while I was out there, in fact), and one the Swainson's, who is a hawk of summer and who has since ceded the land to the red-tail (who was also here at the same time). But this was big, and I couldn't believe my eyes, because they're almost never willing to come this close, much less on the ground.

It was a golden eagle — in my way, the War Eagle, and he led the raven on a joyous chaser around the skies,  banking and wheeling back and soaring directly over my head, around and around, making sure I could see the "eyes" on his inner wings and identify him clearly before swooping off northward to spiral up above the clouds. So I stopped and grabbed my old camera that Wings found for me last night, and got a couple of very distant shots. It was a message, clearly, one meant for me: Warrior up.

And so I am. This stuff is tough right now, no two ways about it. I can't really make anyone who isn't actually going through it (which, in my orbit, is no one) understand remotely what this feels like, much less how  bad it really is. It's miserable physically, and it's terrifying besides that, and we have zero answers (I mean, yeah, my heart is in great shape, but what's causing the artery problems if they're all clear?), and every single day is hard-fought and hard-won. The "won" part only comes when I wake up in the morning and see the light outside the window. But this was what I needed on this day, a reminder to warrior up. I have, and I will.

There's more. The one errand we did run today was to the post office. There was only one item in the box, itself a tiny box. We also had a slip that had been left in the box on Saturday, but we weren't able to pick it up until today; the counter closes at 11 AM on Saturdays, and two days ago? There was absolutely no hope of getting in there in the 2.5 hours or so that they were allegedly open. 

So, we sat in the truck and opened them up, one tiny box and one Priority envelope. And my family (my real family, the ones who have adopted me, adopted us, with bonds that go deeper and stronger than blood) sent us this:

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. 

No, not the tree. Click on it, and look closely. Right in the center front is a little snowman ornament that one dear friend sent us to add to our tree. 

Now look around the edges, the ends of the branches. Both reduced me to tears, but this is what left me sobbing openly in the front seat of the truck. My sister, by every measure that matters, went to the trouble of making — by hand! - twenty (20!) paper ornaments. Origami cranes. You know, cranes. And when they spilled out of the envelope onto my lap? The one on top was made of paper decorated with sandhill cranes. My namesake. So was the last one — bookends to the other 18, each unique, each hand-made out of beautiful, colorful paper. And all twenty-one ornaments are now on our tree, where they will stay until it comes down on January 7th (yes, we're doing the 12 days, and leaving it up through what here is known as All Kings' Day). And they will all have places of honor on next year's tree, too, and the one after that, and the one after that. People just astonish me sometimes, even those who know me well, because they flummox me with their ability to figure out what will touch my soul most even when I don't know the answer.


And with Christmas essentially over, we have lost our last shot at holiday sales, too. This last week of the year will be hard now, but beyond that, we have no cushion for the rest of the winter (and the weather will change, even if it's only to get really, really cold), much less for the emergency medical expenses of the last six weeks. Forget what remains to be done on the house for now. We need to make some sales. A lot of them. But sales are not just what's going to keep me alive and Wings healthy; it's going to help other folks, too. Given the circumstances, I'm leaving up the donation link, too, and the registries have some new items on then, mostly lower-priced, to replace stuff damaged by the RV or given away when we first moved into it seven years ago. So please share our links:

• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• Wings's site, for sales;
• Wayfair gift cards, to replenish all the furnishings that the RV has destroyed in one way or another.
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
• Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. Still waiting for them to resolve this fulfillment/shipping problem they have with their site. Even so, I've added some things (kitchen/dining room stuff mostly), most of which are comparatively reasonably priced. Now, it's going to be mostly odds and ends that make this place more liveable, because of the sheer volume of stuff destroyed by too many years in the RV (e.g., by the oven and stovetop, by the wiring, by the water, by the mold, etc.), or that we simply gave away seven years ago because we had no room and no place to put them and despaired of ever being able to use them again. A CHANGE ABOUT WAYFAIR:  NO MORE CROWDFUNDING. Their Web site coding is bad, and it will not permit crowdfunded items to ship. Items purchased outright arrive in two business days, but you can't even get the others out of the warehouse. 

As I've also been saying, I am still catching up, and will be now for a while. But this is the holiday season, and the sales/commissions from these few weeks are what keep us alive throughout the whole long winter and spring months (to say nothing of what's in the offing medically), so please continue to share the links. And please refer folks to Wings's site (and if you have an endorsement, too, so much the better). I'll be trying, slowly but, I hope, steadily, to get caught up over the course of this week. We have some massive expenses coming down the pike, and a lot of testing yet to be done before I'm out of the woods. So please keep sharing all our links. For now, I'm just so damn grateful to be alive, to have a healthy heart, to be back home with the love of my life and our dogs, the whole world is beautiful, even in spite of my terrible depression. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, thanks again, to everybody, and we love you all.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner. 

Red Willow Spirit: Warriors, for Earth and Time

Photo copyright Wings, 2017; all rights reserved.

Now posted at The NDN Silver Blog, it's the last edition of Red Willow Spirit for this calendar year, a year ending in drought with an earth as dry as ash and bone. It's a meditation on the road ahead, and the need not only to adapt but to fight, on her behalf and ours — to be warriors, for earth and time.

The post is here. Wings's main page is here. It's all photos today, and as always, they're available for purchase in any of the usual three formats; simply inquire via the site's Contact form. Also as always, sales are very much needed (especially now), so shares of the site links are much appreciated.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Wings and Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.

Merry Christmas.

Photo copyright Aji, 2017;
all rights reserved.

Christmas lights; Christmas night. 

We took it relatively easy today, no travel, not much beyond chores and dinner. I don't have much choice in the matter anyway, and to that end, I cooked dinner slowly throughout the day, with mostly stuff that we had on hand. Yes, I did do the duck, although I didn't manage to get a photo of it before someone sneaked a wing. But it was essentially what I promised last night: stuffed herbed roast duck with gravy; stuffing made with wild rice, panko bread crumbs, a little smoked andouille sausage, pecans, dried cranberries, and sea salt, black pepper, and herbs; thin asparagus on a bed of the stuffing; and diced Japanese sweet potatoes and sliced zucchini, herbed, tossed together, and roasted with olive oil. This is how it looked:

Photo copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved.

That's before the gravy, obviously. And yes, it took me all day, because everything does right now. That's fine; on holidays, we always eat late anyway — basically dinner, not lunch.

It was a beautiful day, but with a cold wind at the end. No precipitation of any kind in the forecast for the next two weeks. It's dangerously dry now, and far too warm. We need snow, badly. It's reflected in the tourism levels, or rather, the lack thereof. A few years ago, Christmas Day would've meant an endless stream of cars going by on the highway, to and from the Ski Valley. Today? Next to nothing. Town's been the same all week, too. When you can find parking downtown easily in Christmas week? Even with the closure of one of the few pay lots? Something's terribly, terribly wrong (at least from a tourism revenue standpoint).

And with Christmas essentially over, we have lost our last shot at holiday sales, too. this last week of the year will be hard now, but beyond that, we have no cushion for the rest of the winter (and the weather will change, even if it's only to get really, really cold), much less for the emergency medical expenses of the last six weeks. Forget what remains to be done on the house for now. We need to make some sales. A lot of them. But sales are not just what's going to keep me alive and Wings healthy; it's going to help other folks, too. Given the circumstances, I'm leaving up the donation link, too, and the registries have some new items on then, mostly lower-priced, to replace stuff damaged by the RV or given away when we first moved into it seven years ago. So please share our links:

• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• Wings's site, for sales;
• Wayfair gift cards, to replenish all the furnishings that the RV has destroyed in one way or another.
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
• Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. Still waiting for them to resolve this fulfillment/shipping problem they have with their site. Even so, I've added some things (kitchen/dining room stuff mostly), most of which are comparatively reasonably priced. Now, it's going to be mostly odds and ends that make this place more liveable, because of the sheer volume of stuff destroyed by too many years in the RV (e.g., by the oven and stovetop, by the wiring, by the water, by the mold, etc.), or that we simply gave away seven years ago because we had no room and no place to put them and despaired of ever being able to use them again. A CHANGE ABOUT WAYFAIR:  NO MORE CROWDFUNDING. Their Web site coding is bad, and it will not permit crowdfunded items to ship. Items purchased outright arrive in two business days, but you can't even get the others out of the warehouse. 

As I've also been saying, I am still catching up, and will be now for a while. But this is the holiday season, and the sales/commissions from these few weeks are what keep us alive throughout the whole long winter and spring months (to say nothing of what's in the offing medically), so please continue to share the links. And please refer folks to Wings's site (and if you have an endorsement, too, so much the better). I'll be trying, slowly but, I hope, steadily, to get caught up over the course of this week. We have some massive expenses coming down the pike, and a lot of testing yet to be done before I'm out of the woods. So please keep sharing all our links. For now, I'm just so damn grateful to be alive, to have a healthy heart, to be back home with the love of my life and our dogs, the whole world is beautiful, even in spite of my terrible depression. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate it, thanks again, to everybody, and we love you all.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2017; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.