A lot. Some good news and tears of gratitude. Sales (and thus shares) still badly, consistently needed.

Photo copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved.

Today's been a lot.

Shade is still not feeling well. She's been lying down a lot the last three days (no, it's manifestly NOT colic, and it doesn't appear to be a laminitis flare, either). Miskwaki loves lying in the sawdust, just luxuriating in the softness of it (no surprise, given his awful history), so for him it's nothing unusual. Shade, though? She never does this. Yet here she is, and this time, Miskwaki's lying there purely to keep his girl company. The vet's been notified, and she's monitoring second-hand while we keep a hawk's eye on her here.

It's been another bitterly cold day, not for the actual temperature but for the terrible winds. The house is so incredibly warm that I forget just how bad it is outside, and then I go out and I'm reminded how miserable it is. Wings is doing far too much, but that's the case when I can't help out. At least River was here working today, and he helped Wings take some hay to the horse down the road. Turns out the family needed some help with some traditional stuff, so we did what we could there, too. Here, the half-wild all-starved neighbor dogs continue to come and eat, thanks to the folks who sent puppy kibble. Crow has apparently moved in here — she's now sleeping in She-Wolf's doghouse just outside the front door every night — but right at dawn, Coyote comes bounding over to play with her sister. The one who was all bones (still is, for that matter) now makes a beeline for me on sight, shoves his head under my hand to be petted, then attaches himself to my leg. Takes him a moment or two, and then he sits at perfect, flawless attention, even though he's had no training. As the DogRates guy says, "They're good dogs, Brent."

Things are looking up a bit today on the house front at least for the moment; thanks to a surprise today (and the beautiful one responsible), we may have the guys back more or less on schedule. I wept with relief at the prospect of not having to lose them to other jobs. Looking not so up on the health front, but that's nothing anyone can do anything about until I can get in to see the doctor again and get some imaging ordered. I spend an inordinate amount of time lately trying to shove the fear down and get on with everything. I hate being afraid. I'm not ready for anything final. I'm fighting, all the way.

We do still need sales, though. Those are what get us through the year (and form the basis for everything, including the house and my medical bills). The Pueblo closes in less than a week, and that means very little in the way of tourist trade for anybody. These are the long hard days of winter, and until it reopens well into spring, they will stay that way for everyone. The rest is cut-and-paste, because I am, as always, worn out by this point in the day. I hate being fragile, I hate not being able to pull my weight, I hate the fear and uncertainty, but it is what it is. And we need consistent sales. So please. Spread the word. Valentine's Day's gone, but people have birthdays, anniversaries, I-love-you days; there'll be other holidays and seasons coming up before you know it. Please spread all of our links around on FB and Twitter and other social media, via e-mail and word-of-mouth, to your family and friends and colleagues and whoever. So here are the links: 

• Tonight's post elsewhere (this day; my reality);
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to She-Wolf's & my medical bills);
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• Wings's site, for sales;
• Wayfair gift cards, to replenish all the furnishings that the RV has destroyed in one way or another.
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
• Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. There are some things left on both registries that I thought by now I might be able just to buy outright, but medical bills (mine and She-Wolf's both) have to come first.

I've been trying to find some sort of accommodation with this oh-my-god-you're-going-to-die thing that keeps happening, which is to say, every time it crops up, I smack it ruthlessly back down and force myself to sit and breathe through it. It's not working. I'm doing it regardless, but these recent episodes are terrifying. We need, also, to get free of some of this crushing stress, and I don't see that happening as long as I have to spend every day scrabbling (mostly unsuccessfully) for whatever sales we can make. Closure's imminent, and I see no way to get through it now. In spite of it all, though, thanks, everybody, from both of us, for everything. I don't know about tomorrow, but at least today I got to see the dawn, and I got to play with puppies.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.