Photo copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved. |
The one good thing from today was that it was, apparently, a day of the raptors. While we were feeding the feral pack this morning, our pair of red-tails sailed right over our heads on their way to the other side of the highway, chasing each other and dancing on the winds. No, that's not today; that's from three days ago (when they had a third one with them, not in the frame). But it's the same pair. On our way home from a supply run in town, I saw two dark birds, one big and one . . . BIG soaring up from the field across from Cid's. From the side, you couldn't tell, but when they turned, it became clear: The BIG one was a bald eagle. That close to human occupation. So we stopped. I got a very bad, very blurry cell-phone photo of it perched on a post in the middle of the field (too far for my phone's alleged "camera" to bring it into focus). We stayed for a bit; it flew off, then suddenly came back in overhead, to be met from all sides by ravens. It was joined by its mate, and they circled for a few minutes, then headed west with the red-tail in pursuit, all playing on the currents. When we got back in the truck a short time later, the red-tail had returned to skree at me overhead.
I'm choosing to look at their appearances as a good omen, because today was mostly just more terrible. On all fronts. My heart/artery stuff has decided to manifest in a whole new way, on top of all the existing ways, and it's scary as hell. No, I haven't mentioned it even to Wings, because I don't want him to worry any more than he already is. Lately, the episodes are almost daily, and yet utterly unpredictable, because there's no identifiable trigger. I'm tired of being scared all the time. I'm also tired of being hounded daily for the bills for a medical establishment that has done zip by way of a DX. I don't have this kind of money just to cough up, but they don't give a damn, and their continuous hassling of me is making my health that much worse. Even the meds are not keeping my BP under control with this kind of constant dunning.
As I said the other night, the next step, apparently, will be a series of CT scans down in Santa Fe, but that's nowhere near scheduled yet (and we'll have to pay when I show up for them, so they're going to be delayed for a while). On top of the constant expense for our medical issues, I have not managed to make a single sale all week, and I sure as hell can't write for the new site because it's not functional. I need to get it functional, and I can't, because my brain no longer works in the way I need it to to solve these issues, so . . . I'm stuck. And I'm no longer writing for "exposure"; all that is is letting other people steal my own work. So I'm posting the links again tonight, in hopes that folks will share them, and maybe someone will be inspired to buy some of Wings's work, at least. Here they are:
- Wings's site, for sales;
- Wings's direct PayPal link;
- A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount; another almost $400 for Wings this week);
- Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of supplies for She-Wolf;
- Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
- Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. There are some things left on both registries that I thought by now I might be able just to buy outright, but medical bills (mine and She-Wolf's both) have to come first.
I'm back to spending most of each on oxygen and praying that I don't need to do anything else. I'm doing my best to maintain, but it's hard when your body is convinced that it's dying several times a day. No, I'm not exaggerating, and no, I don't have a DX.The lack of answers, the stress, the financial pressure is killing me. We both need the space to heal, at least to whatever extent, in my case, turns out to be possible. So please spread the links around, because I have got to generate some regular income somehow.
All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.
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