Photo copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved. |
From two days ago. The storm that seems to be looming today is much darker, with harsher winds (yes, in more ways than one).
I can't keep this up.
The depression is swamping me, and no, I don't want people to contact me to try to make me feel better; all it will do is make me feel worse, because I am so far down after the last two weeks that I will not be able to summon up even a sentence in response. I don't have any way of getting out of it, either. Too much of it is a byproduct of whatever's going on with my health since November, and I have absolutely no control over that aspect it (or much else, given what passes for "health care" in this savage society). Much of the rest is due to the constant pressure of being hounded daily for payment, when I can't even make a single damned sale in this worthless economy (thanks, everyone whose votes put us in this godforsaken place); all I can do right now is rack up more bills, apparently. Yes, I'm depressed. I know that. It doesn't matter.
I also have no time to work on anything, much less the fucking platform that was supposed to alleviate some of this pressure and instead has become another sinkhole. It's endless here, complicated by how slow I am and how little I can actually do anymore. On top of all that, Wings was bitten by a tick last night, and as soon as River gets out of here, we have to go to the urgent-care place (because that's all that's open) and get him on prophylactic doxy. We never have ticks here, but climate change has effed that up, too.
The rest is cut-and-paste. I'm incapable of anything more than that right now. I've got, at the moment, $3,500 hanging over my head that needs to be paid ASAP (and another $20-some thousand after that, but those are the ones dunning me most intensely right now). Forget about the next round of tests; I have no clue how much and can't worry about it now. So here are all the links; please share them:
- Wings's site, for sales;
- Wings's direct PayPal link;
- A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount; another almost $400 for Wings this week);
- Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of supplies for She-Wolf;
- Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
- Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. There are some things left on both registries that I thought by now I might be able just to buy outright, but medical bills (mine and She-Wolf's both) have to come first.
In a few minutes, I have to go back on the oxygen until it's time to leave. I would like to be able to sleep, but there's no time, and the cannula disrupts it anyway. Yes, I realize this is very dark and depressing. So is what I'm dealing with right now, and I don't have the energy to try to hide just how bad it is.
All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.
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