A sobering anniversary. New work coming, and lots of new expenses, too. Sales very much needed, and subscribers and shares.

Photo copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved.

Joe brought us some wood yesterday — really beautiful oak. This year, we're buying plenty of oak along with the piñon and aspen and cedar, because it's long-burning, and therefore cost-effective. We'll have to buy a lot more wood in the weeks to come, along with more hay for the horses; it's going to be a very cold hard winter, from the looks of things. We're under a winter storm watch for tomorrow and Monday, with projections that range from a flurry to more than a foot, depending on what it decides to do. The high for tomorrow isn't supposed to get out of the 30s, and we'll be hitting single-digit lows, too.

Today is a sobering anniversary. One year ago today, I almost died . . . and a year later, no one can figure out why. It wouldn't be my only brush with death over the last year, either. In many other ways, it's been the best year of my life, but the knowledge that it can be ripped from me in a second, permanently, is haunting, to say the least. I choose to focus on the beauty and joy of our lives to together, Wings and me, but it's an active choice, one I make deliberately every single day so as not to dwell on the fear of what could happen.

Finally, at long last, I have certain testing in the process of being scheduled. It may tell us nothing, although I suspect that it will. That's another source of fear, of course; what if what it tells us is something that's already beyond repair, if I'm already on borrowed time? I don't talk much anymore about the episodes this thing visits upon me, the inability to breathe, the feeling that everything is shutting down. To talk about it is to invite it into my head, and it's already there; I don't need to awaken it any further. But it's impossible not to think about it today. And so today will be another active choice, one I make every single day: to push the terror down, to silence the voices of fear and doubt, to focus on Wings and our love and our life together, on the land and the animals and the unutterable beauty of it all.

It's how I survive.

A couple of things, because we need sales desperately now; outside testing doesn't pay for itself, nor do taxes and other obligations, nor does the wood or the hay: First, Wings has just finished his next collection, and I expect that it will formally drop today. I'll be doing my best to get it shot and uploaded and posted, so check back here and at his site, oh, midday, early afternoon, probably. Second, there's a change to the links in the list: I've moved the gift cards for Lowe's and Amazon back up to the top of our Amazon wishlist, because we're at the point where more things that need finishing on the house require purchases we can't afford. Third, if you're contemplating commissions for holiday gifts, now is the time to get hold of me, because the creative process takes time. Wings can create something spectacular for you, unique to you or to the recipient of it.

We have a lot to do today. Most of it will geared around storm prep, but there are other demands on our time and attention, too. Most of my own attention has to be focused on bringing in money, through sales or subscribers or any other means, because the bills don't pay themselves, either, and the heavy burden I'm carrying on that score is inhibiting my ability to heal in a not-insignificant way. Please share these routinely:

• My new Patreon, The Interstices (Writing Between Worlds);
• Wings's site, for sales, with new items posted;
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount);
• Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of animal and household stuff;
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).

Please share the links. We're now officially into holiday order season, because commissions take time, so if you're planning on holiday gifts, please keep Wings's work in mind. And given what we're up against, we won't turn away donations, either, because we simply can't afford it.

And now, I'm going to go live some more, with the love of my life.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.