On ice.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

That's not water; it's ice. And everywhere the snow's been plowed, we have either an inch of sucking, grasping mud, or that up there, two inches thick and incredibly slick. 

I'm on ice in everything right now, apparently, just waiting for everything to go skidding out from under me. A few hundred dollars more out the door today with the latest medical stuff. Among other things, another blood draw for a bunch of additional labwork; trigger-point injections to try to get my back pain under control — EIGHTEEN OF THEM, and one nerve spasmed so badly it broke the needle; and oh, yeah, the food thing on top of all the regular medical stuff. Some of the bloodwork is to check for food sensitivities, the idea being that even if we can't identify the esophageal and other issues yet with any specificity, maybe we can find certain triggers and stop my body reacting to them (and thus, maybe stop part of what's causing my breathing to stop, my blood pressure to spike, and my coronary artery to shut down). Unfortunately, the bloodwork is not especially sensitive for some things, so starting tomorrow, I begin a three-month medical diet that excludes all dairy (not a problem, since I'm allergic to all things cow and so exclude it already anyway); all gluten (ugh; everything's got wheat in it); all eggs (double ugh, because no eggs at breakfast and none in baking? really?); and no nightshades (triple ugh, because no fricking chile anymore and I don't know how I get through that part of it). So, anyway, this means replacing all my flours and buying egg substitutes and so forth, and damn, but it's expensive to do these elimination diets, so that's more money on top of the medical stuff that I wasn't expecting, but here we are. And I have more appointments and imaging tests next week, and I'm about to tear my hair out.

As I've said, with the economy in the shambles it is, we have had not a single sale since before Christmas, not one in 2019 yet. We were fortunate to have squirreled away funds to cover this at the moment, but it's only January. I'm terrified of what this year is going to bring, expense-wise, especially if they find something . . . not good, which is also terrifying in and of itself. So much fear intertwined with all of this, and no end in sight. All this stuff is piling up fast and I have to get us through the whole year, not just the next two weeks, so please share the links (or use them, if anyone's so inclined):

• My Patreon, The Interstices (Writing Between Worlds) (and if you subscribe today you won't be billed until January 1st for December);
• Wings's site, for sales, with lots of new items posted;
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount);
• Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of animal and household stuff;
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).

All we want, to be able to have some confidence in making it through the whole year with whatever they're going to find going wrong in my body, is to make some sales. That's it: sales; nothing else. But I haven't been able to make even that happen, and the stress is telling. Good vibes for Raven are still welcome (he's hanging in), but I could use some, too, and some help with sharing Wings's site (and testimonials, if you got 'em). Thanks.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.