An anemic sun. Another big dark bank of clouds in the offing.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

Yesterday morning; this morning, it was all clouds and fog and rain and snow. At the moment, an anemic sun has brightened up the gray a little bit, but there's another big dark bank of clouds in the offing. In more ways than one, actually.

Chinook is settling in nicely, although the energy . . . ! I can't keep up with her. But she has thoroughly internalized that this is her home and we are her humans and the boys are her sibs, and except for Raven being snotty when we're around, everyone gets along. Mostly. 

All the rest of everything is what's driving me up the wall. I keep finding myself getting my hopes up and then having to hammer them back down to a reasonable level, since we have literally no idea what next week's biopsy will show. If it's miraculously clear, I am going to be profoundly grateful, and also profoundly outraged at what someone's screw-up will have me put me through these nearly three months. That would be the good outcome, though.

Realistically, I know it's probably not going to be that good. The answers may not come easily, either, to say nothing of fast; the surgeon indicated that, depending on what the biopsy shows superficially, they may need to drill down to the molecular and genetic levels on the sample. There will come a point, most likely, where we're constrained by cost; I mean, if it's just cheaper to take it out than to do that kind of testing, that kind of makes the decision right there. If not . . . who knows? It's not so much confusing, precisely, as overwhelming (and like I said yesterday, whiplash-inducing). The only sure thing right now is that we have at least the one more trip, and at least the one more biopsy, and that's just on the thyroid. At some point, we have to deal with the liver tumors, at least in terms of defining them more precisely, and also figure out what might be lurking elsewhere.

And it all comes down, as always, to money. I'll have another bill coming next week for the second biopsy, and then another bill (or maybe two) for the reading of it. We have no answers yet, including no answers as to what almost killed me twice 16+ months ago. And whatever the outcome with this, I still have more testing to undergo related to that. Next goal is paying off the hospitals from that mess, which comes to more than $30K just between the two of them, and they dun me daily, so here are the links:

• My Patreon, The Interstices (Writing Between Worlds) (and if you subscribe today you won't be billed until March 1st for February);
• Wings's site, for sales, with lots of new items posted;
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount);
• Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of animal and household stuff, with the kibble back on it; we gave several of our existing bags to a local disabled vet with a starving rescue dog who needed the help;
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. I've added two or three new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need.

All we want, to be able to have some confidence in making it through the whole year with whatever they're going to find going wrong in my body, is to make some sales. That's it: sales; nothing else. But I haven't been able to make even that happen, and the stress is telling. Good vibes for Raven are needed today especially (he's still hanging with us, and I need him to be safe while we're out). But we all could use some, too, me most of all. We all could also use some help with sharing Wings's site (and testimonials, if you got 'em). Thanks.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.