Collision, observed in real time.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

Collision, observed in real time.

It wound up giving us a beautiful display, but virtually no rain. It's an all-too-perfect metaphor for the rest of my life right now, when I'm watching so many things collide in real time (mostly health-related, but also the plumbing disaster and the repairs and a bunch of other expensive nonsense that has to be dealt with one way or another), and no real "rain" coming in to handle them.

I'm operating on about two hours' worth of fitful sleep, even that cadged only between 6:30 and 8:30 this morning. My body feels like it's breaking down around me. I also have more swelling in my neck again, and I don't know whether that's just puffiness secondary to water retention from the heat (I'm guessing not, since my wrist and ankles, hands and feet are all perfectly slim) or there's something more going on with the tumor[s?]. Next doctor's appointment is in two weeks (and will that ever be an expensive one), and I'm torn between wanting to know and wanting to ignore this, because I don't have the physical strength right now for another round of weekly trips to Albuquerque.

I'm beat. On so many, many levels. And I have so much to do, and I need to get on it, so the rest is cut-and-paste, because I just don't have it in me to write anything more now, much less anything new. It all still holds; on most of those fronts, nothing ever changes, no matter how much I keep going.

I never quit, even though on days like today I really feel like it; nothing blunts the pain, and the fatigue creates such a fog that I can barely think. I have a deadline looming on a submission, too, but all my mental energy is sapped by trying to come up with creative ways to cover everything. More big medical expenses for us both this week (4 figures' worth), with more coming up next week and the following one, too. I spend every day trying to suppress the sense of panic that comes with all of this, blocking it out just enough to try to get one more thing done, and one more thing, and one more thing. I'm losing the battle.

And as I said yesterday, between now and the end of the month, my task list will balloon by the day, so this means expect to see me only if and when you see me, because it's going to take everything I have just to get through even the most crucial items on my various to-do lists. Above all else, I have to bring in a lot more scratch — a LOT more — to cover everything, so you know what comes next.

Sales here; testimonials here; wishlist (such as it is still — I did add some candles of the nontoxic variety to deal with the lingering mildew odor in the utility room while it's drying out from the plumbing disaster; these are the kind that are not supposed to impair my breathing, the kind we can't get locally) here. And speaking of testimonials, new ones are posted at long last; if you haven't submitted yours, please do, because this helps us make sales (and we keep you as anonymous as you want to be; you can see the kinds of options people choose in the various entries). We need more folks to send them in, too. Wings dropped his new bead pieces (two necklaces; four pairs of earrings) a few days ago; you can find the summary post here. Please share their individual links, and be on the lookout for the other new works, especially the belt, which dropped yesterday, and it is absolutely incredible. He also has two new cuffs (which, if all goes well, will drop later today or tonight, so please be on the lookout), two new necklaces, and a pair of earrings in the works. [Edit: Also, his new beads are waiting at the P.O. box here, as noted above, so he will no doubt have more in the new series of necklaces and earrings soon, four of the latter of which dropped the other day, here; these are from a U.K. lapidarist, and they are a phenomenal selection, so please share them, as well.] And while I spend every spare moment chasing those sales, there aren't many spare moments for me these days, especially with my ongoing breathing issues and whatever else is going on that they haven't identified yet. So please, help us get the word out. I've got to bring in more sales somehow.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.