Backing way off.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

Prep for the farrier, who never showed. Again. And so, we're back to Wings putting his own body at risk, despite his shoulder and knees. A bunch of guys across the county claiming to be farriers; those who can bothered even to return a call can't be bothered to show up, so . . . . Even so, Miika's a good girl. She's never had any work done, never had any real human contact until now, and the desensitization process is a long one, but she's doing her part to try. I was the one who wanted to spend money for a farrier, because I can no longer help, and Wings's knees and shoulder shouldn't be dealing with this. but around here, the people who would be paid for the effort don't have even the most basic sense of . . . forget professionalism, don't they want to make money?

The bills never let up, either. Another $140 out the door yesterday morning; after two weeks in the shop, Wings finally picked up the ATV (had it for years; we use it for hauling and plowing and back-country work where regular vehicles can't go). It took them until last night, apparently waiting for a part. Not nearly as expensive as it could've been obviously, and a necessary repair, because you literally cannot do everything that needs doing here without it, but still another hit.

I'm losing the ability to want to engage with anything or anyone outside of our small world here. I've had to come to terms with the very obvious fact that even with regard to the people who claim to be our allies and friends and family on a very personal level, to most of them, we and ours are entirely expendable. Performative wokeness is so much more important to them, being part of the in-crowd so much more rewarding, than doing even the most minimal of decolonizing work. Aside from the sickness and pain that plague my body, I am utterly heartsick this morning at the soul-sickness rampant among the dominant culture, the kind that platforms and privileges people and pols who work affirmatively to deny our very existence. I'm backing way off from everything but the basic posts, very little social media involvement for a while, because this knowledge has wounded me at such a level that there's really no point. Don't expect to see anything other than the usual posts, because all my years of work on it have clearly accomplished nothing. The rest is the cut-and-paste, and them I'm out for the day.

Some things never ease off. August first, and we've gotten to do exactly nothing with the summer that we'd planned, thanks to one medical issue after another, plus the plumbing mess. So tired, and so tired of having to spend every damn day of my life living in fear, over money, over health issues, over survival. Between us we have five medical appointments next week. At least four of them will be cash on the barrelhead, maybe number five, too. And then there are my upcoming labs, scrip, equipment . . . it's endless, and so are the costs. Above all else, I have to bring in a lot more scratch — a LOT more — to cover everything, and that means sales, so you know what comes next.

Sales here; testimonials here; wishlist (such as it is still — I've added some candles of the nontoxic variety to deal with the lingering mildew odor in the utility room while it's drying out from the plumbing disaster, the kind that are not supposed to impair my breathing, the kind we can't get locally; I've also added a couple of supplements I have to take and our one real vice, the coffee we prefer [cheaper by the case]) here. 

Speaking of testimonials, new ones are posted at long last; if you haven't submitted yours, please do, because this helps us make sales (and we keep you as anonymous as you want to be; you can see the kinds of options people choose in the various entries). We need more folks to send them in, too. 

Wings dropped his new bead pieces last week; you can find the summary post here. The new butterfly concha belt dropped a few days ago, and it is absolutely incredible. We really need to sell it; that would take care of looming medical stuff, at least in part. Possibly two need bead necklaces later today, the pair the result of needing to use up smallish lengths of chain from an earlier repair. And while I spend every spare moment chasing those sales, there aren't many spare moments for me these days, especially with my ongoing breathing issues and whatever else is going on that they haven't identified yet; new labs and meds and equipment to that end having to be paid for next week. So please, help us get the word out. I've got to bring in more sales somehow.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.