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| Photo copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. |
What a ground blizzard looks like. This one is way up high, but we got them last week down here, too. And while the temperature is warmer again today, the winds have more than negated its effects. I don't want too much warmth, but it would be nice not to have an icy blade digging deep into this dislocated hip and knee.
I'll be glad when this day is over for other reasons, too. For fourteen years, it's been a marker of loss for Wings; last year, this day added another, brutal wound for both of us. And because we virtually never get a Christmas "season" before December 25th (3 months' worth of 16-hour days, 7 days a week, in what this year was the mostly vain hope of making enough sales to get us through the winter will do that), we leave our tree and lights up the old way, through today. They'll come down tomorrow, and everything will be a little bleaker, but it will free us up to get down to the business of winter. This year, the grief and loss and pain have been their own ground blizzard, to say nothing of the financial costs, and I'm ready to be done with all reminders of 2019. I'm also way behind today and still in a hellish amount of disabling physical pain, so the rest is cut-and-paste. Folks, I need to bring in more income somehow. I can't do this at this rate.
Aside from the bitter cold that usually does show up about now, the first of the year always brings a bunch of new bills (business-related, vehicle insurance, other costs). On top of that, the keyboard on my laptop is giving out fast; one of the nav keys broke entirely yesterday (yes, broke, not just a now-missing key, but the most-used keys have been failing for months now, which is why my typo rate is so much worse). An external keyboard might be a temporary solution, but my pain levels and locations mean that I can't sit at a desk for long; I have to use my laptop literally as a laptop, and there's no way to use an external for that. I don't know what I'm going to do at this point.
This year was also supposed to bring follow-up biopsies for me, starting next month, but we're not doing that now. I'm deferring all follow-up medical testing for now. There is just way too much else that needs paying, with ~ $2K in bills (some one-offs or 6-mont-offs) just this month alone. The only work on the house we're scheduling right now is what we hope will be the last of the plumbing fixes (and we won't be doing that just yet, because there's no money for it). And still I feel guilty with every dollar I spend that's not on bills, which is why things that may seem silly to you remain on the wishlist; we children of grinding poverty can rationalize almost anything for almost anyone else, anyone except ourselves. Meanwhile, the bills come due and the money doesn't. We're waiting for payment on our one holiday commission this year (it's in process; just hasn't arrived yet). One of my Patreon subscribers very kindly informed me a few weeks ago of changed circumstances so that I would not be surprised by their unsubscribing. But it's a $100/month decrease I have yet to be able to replace (but thank you so much to the patron who upped their subscription by $10/month! It's so appreciated). And I have no illusions about the fact that we will still need help to make it through this year. Folks can help in several ways (sales are always preferred), and we really need it now:
Please share everything. Thanks.
All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.
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