Things are bad. We need help.

Photo copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved.

That was yesterday, when I still had some hope. That's gone now.

I'm just going to lay it all out there, in detail:  Things are bad. We need help.

Prophylactic for nonsense from the same racist folks who lied about our fundraising for the house and tried to shut it all down: We would far, far rather make sales than accept donations. Things are desperate enough that we cannot turn the latter away, but sales are always preferred. Folks can also subscribe to my Patreon, although that pays out on the first of the month for the previous month, and that means if you subscribe today, you won't be charged until February 1st (and I won't be paid until thereafter). All of our links are near the end.

Here's where we are: Every January, we have a few one-off (or twice-annually) bills, business-related and otherwise, come due that can sometimes be pretty hefty. This year, they're exceptionally high, and there are a couple we weren't expecting that got their due dates rearranged. Still, it wouldn't be too big an issue . . . IF we had had anything remotely approaching a normal holiday sales season.

We didn't. We made exactly two holiday-specific sales, one an outright purchase and the other a multi-piece commission. For a variety of reasons, that has not paid yet, or we'd be better off overall, although still in a bind on the big issue. And I want to note here, it has not paid through no fault of our own, and also through no fault of the buyer, either. This is one of those unfortunate scenarios that falls into the "shit happens" category, and had we had any kind of a real sales season, it wouldn't even matter; we could ride it out until it arrives on the other sales. But we didn't (no one locally did; more businesses are going under weekly). I am also down some $225+ on Patreon; one a patron who was kind enough to warn me that they were unsubscribing, the rest simply unpaid (and if folks want to unsubscribe, please do that instead of maintaining the subscription and not paying it, because leaving it open leads us to believe that we can depend on income that then does not materialize). 

Now, because of the one- and two-offs, on top of regular expenses, we were already in the position of needing to pay out some $2K, mostly by the 21st of the month. That's less than two weeks away. That was bad enough. This week has made it much worse.

Some of you will remember that Wings has been trying to get knee replacement surgery for years now. Both of his knees are literally bone-on-bone; he has had no cartilage left for years. The pain is excruciating. And for diabetics, there's a bright-line rule that his A1c must be below a certain number. He's consistently 2/10ths of a point above that. No amount of dietary change affects it, and he spends every single day in arduous physical activity. It's not what he's doing (or failing to do) that's causing it. It's what the dental clinic has done and failed to do. If you know anything about diabetes, you know that proper dentition is essential. Eleven years ago, that clinic introduced a bacterial infection into his mouth (yes, they very literally did) that ultimately wound up forcing him onto insulin. Now, the "repairs?" It would be laughable if it weren't putting his life at risk (and also making simple things like eating painful). This could kill him, left unhandled, and we've been battling this with them FOR YEARS.

Two things have now come out of it. One is that the doctor we trust wants to change his diabetes meds. Unfortunately, it's one that will cost us at least $600 a month out of pocket, cash on the barrelhead. We might be able to get some help with that from the manufacturer, but he has to try it first, and we don't have it. So the Rx is languishing at the pharmacy right now. The other is that he went to a private dentist yesterday to start the corrective work he needs (and she DID literally laugh when she saw the "bridge" he took in, the one provided by IHS that doesn't function and literally cannot be worn because it was created missing a crucial piece). That was another $400 that we don't have. She can save his remaining teeth, and she can fix all the rest. She wants to do it next Thursday. That, too, is cash on the barrelhead. I thought they would do it over a period of months and we could pay for each stage as we go, but that's not how it works now, and since I didn't know that, they took the molds and sent them out yesterday, assuming he'd return next Thursday for the work.

IT'S THIRTY-TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS.

[$32,258.07, to be exact. Not including the $434. So closer, actually, to the $33K.]

I'm crying again just looking at that sentence. Because we have to find a way to do it; his health, even his life, depends upon it. Forget the knees for now; he can't have this level of damage and infection risk going on in his mouth and jaw. We have nothing to use as collateral; two years ago, we took out a loan with a lien on the horse trailer so that I could get some of my medical testing done. That's one of the bills we're paying monthly now. There's nothing. We have no options. I have nowhere to turn.

All this is, of course, on top of a spectacularly bad year in so many other ways. Wings lost two cousins to murder in June; two more relatives, an acquaintance, and a friend to other deaths just since Thanksgiving. His nephew is in the hospital long-term since early August, now in Denver, battling West Nile meningoencephalitis. I was diagnosed early last year with a nasty form of thyroid cancer before they revoked the diagnosis a month later, but I still have tumors on my thyroid and tumors on my liver, and no one knows what or why; I also have severe asthma and EDS on top of my autoimmune and fibro issues, and the pain the last two weeks has been the kind that would bring me to my knees except my knees are too damaged to kneel. And as if none of that were enough, his clan brother was in a bad accident yesterday, a mile from our house; the other driver tried to pass where there was no room, at a very high rate of speed, smashed into Joe's driver's door, flipped, and rolled. Joe's truck is totaled; he's in the hospital awaiting surgery for a broken tibia and fibula. His partner escaped, thank all that's holy, with bruises. The other driver has been airlifted to Albuquerque, reportedly with severe head trauma. Nothing is worth that.

So yes, it's been a rough year. And while I couldn't plan for the $600/month new med or the $32K dental work, I thought we would be covered for now. But we're not, and we have nowhere to turn. I'm terrified. I have to bring in $3,500 in sales in under a week just to cover this month and his scrip and yesterday's dental appointment now. The $32K? I see no recourse but to postpone it. Again. While his dentition worsens, and so do his knees, and we can fix neither.

I'm desperate.

Folks can help in several ways (sales are always preferred), and we really need it now:

• Sales here; 
• Testimonials here; 
• Wishlist here;
• Patreon here;
• Ko-fi here.

Please share everything. Thanks. If I think about this too much, I'll start crying again, and I have to get a lot of work done today, despite the awful pain of my subluxed hip, knee, and thumb. I need to get on all of it.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.