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Photo copyright Aji, 2025; all rights reserved. |
More work in progress: earrings, one pair of turquoise [Kingman, IIRC], and one pair of orbicular malachite. He had intended to have them done today, but there's just too much to get done, and these stupid winds make everything take so much longer, and also be so much more difficult.Tomorrow's are supposed to be much worse.
Some things are going to have to change. Yesterday was so bad, and I was so wiped out, that I found myself making stupid mistakes in posts and threads, the kinds of things I know without even having to think about it, and yet screwing them up drastically. That kind of exhaustion should mean falling asleep immediately, right?
NOPE. I didn't fall asleep until somewhere between 5 and 6 AM, and that was fitful at best. The amount of pain I'm having is unmanageable, and some of it's new, and it's manifesting in ways that could be nothing, could be terrifying. Something is wrong. I know it; I can feel it. I also know that no one will listen, and besides that, I can't get in before my scheduled appointment anyway, and that's a month away. Now, it could all be lymph; both lupus and RA can cause random lymph swelling that can wreak all sorts of havoc, and I of course have both. But if so, what's driving it? I'm not sick in the infectious sense. At all. It could be the chemo; I feel so much like death right now [today is the worst yet, and my bones literally feel like they're breaking] that this coming week I'm going to need to try scaling my dose back to where it was previously. Chemo can cause all sorts of nasty side effects, even at low doses.
Or, it could be something else. Breakthrough symptoms that the chemo has thus far suppressed. We already know that I have at least one tumor on my thyroid and at least two on my liver. Their assumption is that they are benign, because as with the breast issues, absolutely nobody can read my fucking scans. Or my biopsies, either. NONE of them. They're always "inconclusive," and then they unilaterally and arbitrarily decide that it's nothing to worry about because they treat not to disease or symptoms but to insurance company bullshit, pat me on the head, and tell me not to worry [oh, but "be sure and come back in a year and give us a few more thousand dollars to do the same shit all over again, y'hear?"].
But I have swelling where I'm not supposed to have swelling. I have pain where I'm not supposed to have pain. I have other symptoms of a sort and various locations that I'm not supposed to be having. And I cannot afford the fucking tests, nor can I handle the travel it would entail.
And I have to deal with this on my own. [No, I don't need advice, and no, I don't want to talk about it. But I'm going to backing off on a lot of things starting this coming week, and this is why.]
And on top of all of this, I have GOT to bring in some sales. I am at my absolute wits' end. I can't do anything about the regular expenses [and my next Patreon payout is still at least a week away]. but people keep coming to us for money and we don't have any [and that's got to stop, too; I can't take the stress, never mind the fact that there isn't any anyway]. Zero; zip; nada. Right now, I'm fighting just to keep us out of the red over the next week.
And with my illness progression [and that progression is clearly getting much worse], it's getting harder and harder to keep pace with everything I need to do every day, never mind this extra burden, but there isn't a choice. This is two years in a row where everything has gone to hell immediately and refused to let us get our heads above water, and I don't know how much more I can take.
So. We need shares, and we most definitely need sales. AS in now, this weekend, TONIGHT. Links are here:
- Sales here;
- Testimonials here;
- Amazon wishlist here (Priorities are Amazon gift cards, which we can ALWAY use, and those adjustable Black KN95 masks are badly needed, because I gave away all the rest of ours to relatives; it would good to have several boxes, so I can keep handing them out, too);
- Patreon here;
- Ko-fi here.
After such a grim year last year, and this one beginning at least as badly, we urgently need to move 2025 onto a better footing because taxes to this Nazi administration have already taken every last cent and we still owe them more anyway, so please share all of the links.
All content, including photos and text, are copyright Wings and Aji, 2025; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.