Wild Sunflowers For Shade

Photo copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved.

My photos of her when she was younger and healthy are all on other hard drives. This was her last day, and frankly, up until the final half-hour, it was a good one. Stubborn, feisty, and completely unwilling to entertain rules or fences, right up to the end.

Her full name was Shade In the Blue, but we called her Shade. Also Monster Girl, Wild Girl, Butthead, and occasionally, always affectionately, You Bitch. Because she was: as dominant as her mother, without the matriarchal wisdom to apply it with discretion; spoiled rotten and utterly wild. She was never broken to saddle or rider; Wings had always planned to do it himself, but first his shoulder injury and then other pressing concerns always delayed it, until it was too late.

Miskwaki loved her, as he loved his whole herd, and he mourned her desperately on this night two years ago, when she was gone. He understood, from the moment we led her away, and a horse wailing with grief is a sound I never want to hear again.

The vet had been insisting that her problem was allergies, but we knew otherwise. It was cancer, a tumor, or rather, if memory serves, a collection of them, in her mammary area. Had we been heeded sooner, perhaps something could have been done, but by the time anyone would listen, it was too late. Years of working with horses, and dogs, too, and of losing them to the cancer cluster that bedevils this place, unfortunately gives you an aptitude for diagnosing these things.  

And so the fact of the matter is that we failed Shade, but not for lack of trying to do right by her. With some help from a friend, we made it quick and painless, so she didn't suffer: 4:45 PM, this day, two years ago. She's laid to rest now with her mother, Cree, and that mustang bad boy that all the girls loved, including me, Ice. They both died, indirectly or otherwise, of unfound tumors, too. 

At the appointed time, I did as always do with our animals who have left us too soon for us to follow: I took her cedar and tobacco and some water, laid and sprinkled on her resting place. And I discovered that, in the ninety-plus heat of this white-hot day, the wild sunflowers had blossomed a whole month early — nowhere else, only there, but directly over her: wild sunflowers for Shade, perfect for a wild spirit now free.

Photo copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved.

We love you, Shade. Your hoofprints on inscribed on our hearts, Wild Girl.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.