A little light between storms.

Photo copyright Aji, 2021; all rights reserved.

Last evening, a little light between storms. I wish I could have a little in the metaphorical sense right now, but apparently that is not to be.

Bad night last night. A lot of pain, yes, there, and while it wasn't bad on the silly, mostly-useless 1-10 scale, it was constant, not a moment's relief.  Mostly, it's been intermittent, but not last night. I also am feeling really fatigued and just generally crappy, and I have no way of knowing whether it's just an autoimmune flare courtesy of our usual screwy summer weather and all the cottonwood pollen, or if it's because, yes, it is cancer, but no one can be bothered with imaging in time to catch it. I mean, all my symptoms are ones found with this particularly god-awful beast, but how would I know? I have constant pain (albeit not in that spot) and constant fatigue from my autoimmune diseases.

And last night, I got scared. 

I mean, I've been through this several times since May 2nd already, and I know it's normal, but that doesn't help when your mind very naturally goes to "what if it's already too late," and "if it is too late, is there going to be any point in treatment at all," because "no, I don't want to spend my last months or weeks in constant pain and sickness and discomfort from the chemo and surgery and radiation," and it's not a very big jump from that to the fear and depression I'm fighting right now. And maybe it's all for nothing, maybe I'm just gonna be some goddamned bizarre zebra on this too, but when every single thing tracks one very deadly DX and you can't get any confirmation? I'm trying to keep my tears to myself right now, though, because it upsets him so much. So, yeah, today? Things feel pretty dark. And I'm just so tired.

For those of you who don't know what all this means, you can read about it here. You can read why my main concern now is just the potential DX, treatment, and survival (i.e., not the medical bills themselves), half-way down the post here. And why I've been forcibly set back a whole month in the process of getting a diagnosis? You can read that here.

But, yes, we still will need to make consistent sales. I'll have travel costs coming up, plus, if the DX is worst-case, there'll be a lot of days (weeks? months?) when I won't be able to work, which means no chasing sales or patrons to pay regular bills and expenses. And as I said, Wings will have several new pieces out soon, too, possibly as early as the end of this week: at least one major necklace posted last night here, and a minimum of four new Warrior Woman and three new Pueblo pins (those last three, with a very cool new twist). I posted the first two Pueblo pins two nights ago; one has already sold, but you can see the other here. Seriously, go check out the necklace; it's incredible.

I'm skipping all the rest of it because I'm tired constantly, and frankly I don't have the focus right now for anything else. Links are here:

• Sales here; 
• Testimonials here; 
• Amazon wishlist here (priorities are LaminaSaver for Miika [she's set until August] coffee & metal/glass/dishwasher cleaners);
• Patreon here;
• Ko-fi here.

And if you've been contemplating a purchase? This would be a very, very good time to do it; I've got to make up this staggering outlay somehow. There's lots of fabulous new work, so please share all of the links. 

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Wings and Aji, 2021; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.