Tricksters, weather and otherwise.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

Welp, this is a problem.

See that dustcloud in the center of the photo?  It's a massive dust devil that went tearing along our south boundary. That's not the problem; it's just indicative of what we're dealing with now: tricksters, weather and otherwise.

Right now, one of the big issues is time — time that's fast running out. We spoke with Tony today, and Nano a couple of days ago, about the possibility of arranging for them to do some of the things still incomplete on the house (or, in a couple of cases, that need redoing, one of which is the wood weatherization). We have to work around their schedules, of course, and we thought that would buy us a little more time, but the time they can do it is essentially now.

A complicating factor is what climate change has done to our weather patterns. Fall's been here for a couple of weeks of already; hell, the leaves began changing on some of the trees way back in July. It's pretty universally accepted here that, based on our current patterns, winter is going to be both early and hard this year. And a big chunk of what needs to be done has to be done before it gets too cold (or snowy).

I just found out that they're going to need to start on Monday. Yeah, as in the day after tomorrow. And I still have a ton of medical stuff in the offing, and I'm going to have to do some shuffling to cover stuff in the short term, and probably postpone some treatments and tests until late fall or winter at this point. Even so, I need to make up the difference in what we'll be paying for labor (and materials, where needed), because that money was allocated to savings for our health stuff in the relative near term.

So, yeah. I have to go back to the money chase. I hate fundraising with the white-hot heat of a thousand suns, but there's no choice. And if we could do it all with sales? We'd be ecstatic. Realistically, I know that's not going to happen, not enough of them fast enough to cover it all. There's still the plumber and the interior plaster repair that has to happen before winter, too. As if I didn't have enough pain and fatigue and stress right now, but this has to get done before the weather turns bad.

For this first go-round (which will be a few weeks' worth of work), I'm guessing, based on past experience, that we'll be looking at around $3,500 for labor to get the most urgent stuff done over the next few weeks.

Folks can help in several ways:

• Sales here; 
• Testimonials here; 
• Wishlist here;
• Patreon here;
• Ko-fi here. 

And as I said, sales are ideal, of course; one or two of Wings's bigger pieces would cover the whole shot for this round. Patreon subscriptions are good, too. Either way, it's a trade for value. But I'm already feeling panicked at what we thought wold be our schedule being so suddenly and thoroughly upended, and we'll take it however it comes at this point.

Please share everything, because I'm suddenly back behind the eight-ball on a whole additional front, and yeah, I'm scared about covering everything and surviving, too. Thanks.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.

Solitary. Still trying.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

Solitary. Still trying.

Gabe's supposed to be here in another half-hour or so to bale; Joe's supposed to help with loading and stacking, since I can't anymore. Tony will be dropping a load of firewood off this afternoon, and we'll have him look at a problem with the door while he's here. And we have to put together some bingo and raffle prizes for Nano's parish fundraiser again this year. 

It all costs, whether in paying people for their help or in writing off inventory to help other folks.

It's another bad day pain-wise for me, and my to-do list is miles long. Still haven't been able to get into town to pick up my scrips, or to replace my day-to-day shoes that fell apart two weeks ago after three solid years of daily wear. Don't know whether I'll be able to do either tomorrow, but I do know that I have to get to work, so I won't be sticking around here long. 

Yesterday, I summarized my health status for those interested; if you missed it and you wanted to know, the answers, such ass I have, are here. Meanwhile, all this costs. ]a fortune, actually. Health care in this godforsaken country is priced to kill people. And there's a lot left to do by way of testing for other things still unidentified and/or unaddressed. There are also Wings's knees. And there are all the plumbing repairs on the house yet to be done, and the parts of the house that aren't yet complete in the first place. 

Folks can help in several ways:

• Sales here; 
• Testimonials here; 
• Wishlist here;
• Patreon here;
• Ko-fi here. 

Testimonials are important, and there are several posted at the link. If you haven't submitted yours, please do, because this helps us make sales (and we keep you as anonymous as you want to be; you can see the kinds of options people choose in the various entries). The items on the wishlist are things we either can't get here regularly, or at all (or at a decent price), and they're mostly things either for the animals or the house. PayPal link is in the upper right corner of this page.

And above all, we need to make sales. So if y'all could help us out by sharing the links regularly, I'd appreciate it. I'm fighting a very big battle here every single day, and I can't do all of it alone.




All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.

A Spirit That Transcends the Bounds of Day and Night

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

Now posted at The NDN Silver Blog, it's the most recent entry in Wings's most closely-held signature series, one of warrior spirits, of messengers and medicine alike. This one is all of the above, and the embodiment of both cosmic fire and autumn light, a spirit that transcends the bounds of day and night.

The post is here. Wings's main page is here. Inquiries via the site's Contact form. And, as always, sales are very much needed, so shares of the site links are much appreciated. 



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.

It's only August, and winter is coming.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019;
all rights reserved.

It's only August, and winter is coming.

Yeah, I mean that more ways than one, obviously. On the plus side, the hay's dropped already this morning (smaller acreage than last time), and is supposed to be baled around noon tomorrow. Also supposedly River will be back to help out this weekend with loading and stacking.

In the meantime, I'm . . . dealing with a new reality that's really part of my old reality, but I still have to get my head around the new information.

I'm getting questions from folks, and I don't want to have to keep repeating it, so I'm going to recap a bunch of things here, as briefly as I can make it.

For those of you who don't know, I've suffered from some nameless complex of autoimmune conditions apparently since birth. With this new information, I find myself angry all over again at the fact that, all through childhood, youth, and young adulthood, no one would ever listen to me, insisting that it was "impossible" for me to have any pain, and that I just needed to "stop looking for attention" and "not be lazy."

I was many things, but lazy was not one of them, and in my family, no one voluntarily went looking for attention, because that never ended well. 

Anyway, I need not to spike my blood pressure, so I'm trying to divorce my thoughts from all of that right now.

So, the autoimmune stuff exploded when I got an early-generation flu vaccine, one that contained a preservative to which I have always been terribly allergic, and about which no medical professional either asked or informed me. But it's become clear that that merely blew it into the open; I already had chronic Epstein-Barr, among other conditions that no one would take seriously, and I was also suffering the mechanical repercussions of damage to my neck and back from an auto accident years earlier (one most definitely not my fault).

The autoimmune complex got tossed, invariably, into the trashcan labeled "fibromyalgia," because it enables the medical industry both not to have to deal with it in any serious way (all the while shaming me for trying) and also making it my fault that I'm in constant pain. I did everything, and more, and nothing ever worked. Meanwhile, as my body has aged, my pain has grown, and my limitations with it, and my depression with all of that. I gave up entirely on the medical profession and did not see a doctor of any sort (well, except an eye doctor) for more than seven years.

Meanwhile, we lived in subhuman conditions for seven years, the stresses (both physical and otherwise) mostly indescribable, certainly uncountable. And we worked to build a house. And just as we were moving in, I had what everyone thought was a heart attack. Twice. Except it wasn't.

To this day, no one knows what it was or why, or why I've continued to have smaller episodes since. I have managed to get an asthma diagnosis, again, apparently lifelong, and not only would no one listen to me when I said my chest hurt or I had trouble breathing, they told me I just needed to exercise more. Back then, I was active and a size 6. They've also ruled out angina, although it's clear that, when an episode occurs, my coronary artery is spasming and shutting down.

Fast-forward again to this January. I needed to get chest imaging done to rule out a tumor anywhere in that area. No mass in the chest, but they caught three other tumors (not simply masses, actual tumors, and let's use the correct terminology, shall we?), two in my liver and one in my thyroid. My thyroid function is, as it has been, right smack in the middle of normal. I underwent a biopsy in late February, and was given a diagnosis of  either medullary thyroid cancer or Hürthle-cell carcinoma, neither of which has a particularly great five-year outlook for someone like me.

A month later, a different surgeon retracted the diagnosis. Two months later, I developed another big mass on the other side of my throat.

We still don't know. It's wait and see mode, mostly because after what has by now amounted to between $45k and $50K in total medical bills just since November of 2017,  I can't afford the costs, and I also don't have the physical strength for traveling to and from Albuquerque repeatedly for something that could still be the second DX of Hürthle-cell adenoma (non-cancerous tumor).

Meanwhile, we began trying to treat the asthma, to to the tune of $300 a month. We've since learned that I cannot take inhaled corticosteroids of any kind; they produce hives and widespread systemic candidiasis of the skin (not thrush or anywhere else visible; epidermal). So, no standard asthma treatment either; a rescue inhaler and now, also trying inhaled glutathione to see whether I can tolerate that.

And I've finally been confident enough in my internal organs (see that whole "tumors" thing) to go to the chiropractor. I had a very bad experience with one ten years ago, and haven't been back, but this one and my doc are friends and colleagues, so I agreed to try it. What we learned is that my ligaments, always loose and stretched and constantly subluxing my joints at the best of times, are a mess all over my body. My clavicle was out of place; my scapulae too. My RIBS were out of joint. And so were my hips, but especially the left.

There's a likely DX here, for those familiar with EDS. There are several different variants, some more closely related than others. And at least with this variant, there's nothing to be done for it, insofar as there is no medication, no operation, no treatment protocol to fix it. It's also DX'd only with costly genetic testing. Indigenous people aren't much given to genetic testing, because our genes are not colonizer property, and it's all been misused in truly genocidal ways already. So I would have to have a number of really difficult conversations before doing it anyway, even if I could afford it (which I can't). It might be one thing if they thought I had some disease that could kill me in a matter of months but for which there is a successful treatment, but that's not the case. The only thing to do is what I am doing: minimal pain meds to take the edge off, careful exercise, chiro treatment, staying otherwise as healthy as possible and not adding stress to my ligaments, and now, adding in megadoses of Vitamin C. So I don't even have to go there with the testing, because getting the formal label would do exactly nothing for me in terms of improving outcomes.

But . . . the upshot is that I have constant pain, often terrible pain. I don't very often shed tears over physical pain anymore; I'm too used to it. But Wednesday was a constant battle to keep from crying, and I didn't always succeed, because the pain was so intense I literally couldn't take it. And yes, I'm fully aware that I "look normal," to borrow the ableist turn of phrase. I look healthy, if fat, now. And no one who looks at me has the faintest idea of what it takes to get through each day. I mostly don't sleep, which of course makes everything worse. 

So here we are. This is what I'm up against, on the daily, and Wings with me, because he took this on and I couldn't be more grateful to him, but I also will not let anyone minimize the scope of the commitment involved or the love it represents.

Meanwhile, all this costs. Health care in this godforsaken country is priced to kill people. And there's a lot left to do by way of testing for other things still unidentified and/or unaddressed. There are also Wings's knees. And there are all the plumbing repairs on the house yet to be done, and the parts of the house that aren't yet complete in the first place. 

Folks can help in several ways:

• Sales here; 
• Testimonials here; 
• Wishlist here;
• Patreon here;
• Ko-fi here. 

Testimonials are important, and there are several posted at the link. If you haven't submitted yours, please do, because this helps us make sales (and we keep you as anonymous as you want to be; you can see the kinds of options people choose in the various entries). The items on the wishlist are things we either can't get here regularly, or at all (or at a decent price), and they're mostly things either for the animals or the house. PayPal link is in the upper right corner of this page.

And above all, we need to make sales. So if y'all could help us out by sharing the links regularly, I'd appreciate it. I'm fighting a very big battle here every single day, and I can't do all of it alone.




All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.

Friday Feature: The Shifting Spirits of the Night

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

It's our Friday Feature at The NDN Silver Blog, with a work by a Pueblo master that embodies those beings of the world of visions and dreams. It's a small but powerful piece whose identities have much to teach us, and now, with a world in flames, we could do far worse than to heed the example of the shifting spirits of the night.

The post is here. Wings's main page is here. Inquiries via the site's Contact form. And, as always, sales are very much needed, so shares of the site links are much appreciated.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.

It's a big freaking stormcloud.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019;
all rights reserved.

It's a big freaking stormcloud.

That was yesterday's; today's is moving in overhead right this moment. A bit of a problem, because we thought we were safe arranging for Gabe to drop the hay tomorrow. [Yeah, more expense.] Fingers crossed.

The other stormclouds from yesterday have only begun to drop their payloads. Everything's late today in large part because of my doctor's appointment. As usual, it's a good news/bad news kind of thing. The bad news (aside from the $215 out of pocket for today, not including the two scrips) is kind of two-fold. The first is that there will be more expense over the next month or two for various labs. Kidney function is fairly straightforward, and that's a month out. After that (and depending on what that shows, maybe more added in), it'll be making arrangements for chelated heavy metals testing. that will be significantly more expensive, but at least I can do it here instead of having to go out of town. The second aspect of the bad news is that, in addition to everything else, what I actually have on the AI front may not even be mostly AI at all, and if it's what we're thinking, there's no treatment and no cure. The good news is that this means I avoid a really uncomfortable (and hideously, hideously expensive) decision about genetic testing, because even if it were to come back positive, there would be no treatment.

The other good news is that, while it's not likely to be per se fatal (at least in the shorter term; there are complications that can arise with some variants and circumstances) in and of itself, "no treatment" means that there's no expensive drug or operation or whatever. The only thing I can do for it is what I've been doing: chiro treatment, careful exercise as feasible, pain treatment, and some supplementation. So here we go. this is only the AI/pain front, mind; everything else is still in process, including the on-hold cancer DX.

Still, it all costs. And still the bills come. I did not pay that big one yet, because I simply haven't had time. I'll be out another three figures tomorrow, and that doesn't even account for whatever labs and tests might get scheduled, which could put that well up into four. Yet another next week, too, plus one for Wings. And I can't sleep, in part because the pain is so bad I'm literally crippled today.

The rest is cut-and-paste; I don't have the time, the money, or the heart for anything else right now, and I still have a seemingly endless to-do list that keeps growing no matter how much pain wracks my body. 

Two new items by Wings, the viral post from Friday night here. I've got to make some sales this weekend, and weekends are always the worst time. I also have to get a lot of other work done, since school started this week and that leaves us without River to help out. Migraines and hip pain make me even slower than usual, so I need to get on it, which means that the rest is the usual. Links embedded below.

In the meantime, everything else marches on, including the autoimmune complex and the asthma and the coronary artery concern (all of which, hey, guess what, could all be bound up with this — not necessarily caused by or causing, but playing off each other, certainly) for me; including the knee pain and the prospect of replacement and the radiology labs and the other concerns for him. No end to the stresses, and my body is having serious trouble keeping up now.

Same with the expenses. Two hundred Monday for equipment and meds I haven't even had a chance to use yet; well over a hundred yesterday, with a followup in about ten days, and an appointment with my regular doc before then, with, I'm now reasonably sure, some very costly labs to follow. Two more immediate appointments coming up for Wings, too, the first today. No idea what they're going to decide to do with regard to the new and visibly-growing lump on the other side of my throat.

We had to pick up both the truck and the mower last Friday, and that was hellish all by itself (four figures between the two). We also have to get the hay cut, probably this weekend, to make it fit around the weather and not have it either burn up in the fields or drown, get moldy, and rot. So to make all this happen, I have to bring in a lot more scratch — a LOT more — to cover everything, and that means sales, which are way, way down. My pain levels are also completely out of control these days, the kind of pain that renders you utterly non-functional, except that I don't have a choice but to keep working at everything. So you know what comes next.

Sales here; testimonials here; wishlist (such as it is still — I've added some candles of the nontoxic variety to deal with the lingering mildew odor in the utility room while it's drying out from the plumbing disaster, the kind that are not supposed to impair my breathing, the kind we can't get locally; I've also added a couple of supplements I have to take and our one real vice, the coffee we prefer [cheaper by the case, and the thing that's probably highest priority]) here. 

Speaking of testimonials, new ones are posted at long last; if you haven't submitted yours, please do, because this helps us make sales (and we keep you as anonymous as you want to be; you can see the kinds of options people choose in the various entries). We need more folks to send them in, too. 

Wings dropped three new works Saturday, and they're posted here (one is also featured today at his site and in the post below this one). Please go to their respective entries on his site and share them all. And if you're interested in one yourself, believe me, you won't be disappointed; these are truly extraordinary. He also dropped three new pieces a few days ago, including an absolutely phenomenal pair of dangle earrings; the post is here. That's on top of several new bead pieces a couple of weeks ago; you can find the summary post here. The new butterfly concha belt dropped a few days ago, and it is absolutely incredible. We really need to sell it; that would take care of looming medical stuff, at least in part. And while I spend every spare moment chasing those sales, there aren't many spare moments for me these days, especially with my ongoing breathing issues and whatever else is going on that they haven't identified yet; new labs and meds and equipment to that end having to be paid for next week. So please, help us get the word out. I've got to bring in more sales somehow.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.

#ThrowbackThursday:: When the Dark Holds the Light of Day

Photo copyright Wings, 2019; all rights reserved.

It's #TBT at The NDN Silver Blog, with a work from eight years ago that held the powers and the gifts of a cosmic light. It was a ring set with the jeweled magic of the night, at those rare seasonal moments when the dark holds the light of day. 

The post is here. Wings's main page is here. This one sold years ago, obviously, but if the style speaks to your spirit, simply inquire via the site's Contact form; Wings can create a version uniquely your own. And, as always, sales are very much needed, so shares of the site links are much appreciated.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Wings and Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.