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| Photo copyright Aji, 2021; all rights reserved. |
The last two days have been frankly terrible across the board. Part of it is just the resurgence of my own pain levels, a combination of unsettled weather and the path of this complex of autoimmune issues. But the larger path has been dark, too: too much loss, too little aid and care and work by those who wield the levers of authority and control. The way now is filled with more shadow than light.
Government is still failing us at all levels. No stimulus (not even the $600, because everything's been lost in the mail, which probably means that Trump diverted and converted all the checks; that $600 would've covered our propane the other day). No vaccines. No ACTUAL halt to caged Indigenous children, deportations, or border wall construction. And no end to the suffering. At the state level, no actual effort at accuracy, sending elders out into the cold in a pandemic-riddled public for vaccines that don't even exist at a site that's been told nothing about any of it? I am disgusted beyond words.
The last two weeks have been brutal on a whole bunch of fronts. I have had to justify my humanity repeatedly and be told that it's not enough, and I said I was done: No more; I don't care; I'm done. I'm so tired, in ways people who don't deal with my health issues will never understand anyway, and dealing with another episode of nearly dying last week is going to be with me for a while, physically and mentally both. And I have to get back to my own work, back to making masks for folks, and most of all, back to making sales, which are at record lows now. But I had to do it anyway again the other day. It's hard knowing that you don't matter, that the world would just as soon see you die and be happy about it, knowing that I am already invisible, and if they cannot keep my that way they will actively erase me.
There is no economy now. There's nothing. People are literally dying all around us from the government's failures, and I don't know how we keep them, or us, alive unless I can cover the bills. We have lost SO much to 2020, so very, very many people, and the gifts and the talents and the knowledge and the wisdom they carried too often lost with them. Because this state has followed the lead of the country and refused to do what was required, we are about to see a very big spike in new cases, probably as early as two weeks from now; the current spike in deaths remains sustained daily. People have needed so much more help than we could give them, but we did as much as we could, even when it put us in a bind, and we will need to do much more of that this year. We have shelled out close to 2 grand over the last 2 weeks, $600 just the other day to fill the propane tank, which I was not expecting to have to cover right now on top of everything else. At some point, I'm going to have to make it up somewhere, and my Patreon still has nearly $300 in subscriptions for December still unpaid, so folks, please check your cards and the expirations. So:
And if you've been contemplating a purchase? Marking the birth of 2021 would be a very, very good time to do it. There's even new work, here and here and now here, among other new pieces, so please watch for them and share the links.
All content, including photos and text, are copyright Wings and Aji, 2021; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.
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