A smaller raptor today, and one long unbroken (and scary) episode. Sales needed, and shares too.

Photo copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved.

Nope, not new, either; from the same day as yesterday's. We've always had three red-tails here, a mated pair and one who's a sibling or cousin or something who comes and goes intermittently. When they're all here together, they typically go way up high and play on the currents. 

Today's raptor was Grandfather, the kestrel, after an absence of . . . too many months. he was busy hunting, and moving too fast for me to get a shot, but he was here overhead, at least. I'm taking that as today's good omen. I need it.

I said yesterday that my heart/artery stuff has decided to manifest in a whole new way, on top of all the existing ways, and it's scary as hell. No, I haven't mentioned it even to Wings, because I don't want him to worry any more than he already is. Last night was bad, and so is today; just one long unbroken episode. I don't know if it's an actual worsening of whatever this is, or if I'm fighting a bug that's aggravating everything, or if it's my AI kicking in, or what, but it's terrifying. Lately, the episodes are almost daily, and yet utterly unpredictable, because there's no identifiable trigger. I'm tired of being scared all the time. I'm also tired of being hounded daily for the bills for a medical establishment that has done zip by way of a DX. I don't have this kind of money just to cough up, but they don't give a damn, and their continuous hassling of me is making my health that much worse. Even the meds are not keeping my BP under control with this kind of constant dunning.

As I said the other night, the next step, apparently, will be a series of CT scans down in Santa Fe, but that's nowhere near scheduled yet (and we'll have to pay when I show up for them, so they're going to be delayed for a while). On top of the constant expense for our medical issues, I have not managed to make a single sale all week, and I sure as hell can't write for the new site because it's not functional. I need to get it functional, and I can't, because my brain no longer works in the way I need it to to solve these issues, so . . . I'm stuck. And I'm no longer writing for "exposure"; all that is is letting other people steal my own work. So I'm posting the links again tonight, in hopes that folks will share them, and maybe someone will be inspired to buy some of Wings's work, at least. This month has started off in a spectacularly frightening way, and I need to be able to get as many external factors under control as possible before the stress itself kills me. So here are all the links; please share them:

• Wings's site, for sales;
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount; another almost $400 for Wings this week);
• Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of supplies for She-Wolf;
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).
• Partial registry #2, from Wayfair. There are some things left on both registries that I thought by now I might be able just to buy outright, but medical bills (mine and She-Wolf's both) have to come first.

I'm back to spending most of each on oxygen and praying that I don't need to do anything else. I'm doing my best to maintain, but it's hard when your body is convinced that it's dying several times a day. No, I'm not exaggerating, and no, I don't have a DX.The lack of answers, the stress, the financial pressure is killing me. We both need the space to heal, at least to whatever extent, in my case, turns out to be possible. So please spread the links around, because I have got to generate some regular income somehow.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.