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| Photo copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. |
They're crows, not ravens, but I still feel like they've got the same vibe going as this year so far: all trickster.
I'm so far down that black hole today that I can't even see a pinprick of light. We canceled Wings's dental appointment this morning, and I am just sick over it. Yes, canceled, not postponed, because until we can come up with twenty-three thousand in actual cash, we can't even get Stage 1 done. [And there are only two stages, and they've made sure we understand that they're doing us a favor breaking it up into $23K and $12K, because I guess her wealthy white colonial clientele can just cough that up at any given moment, no problem, so why can't we?] Another rejection yesterday, more bad news on another front the night before, and there's only so much physical pain I can take. And none of it matters; I have to keep going through all of it, have to find a way to bring in enough income to cover his dental, fuck my medical, because his is a lot more urgent right now.
We've got to make some sales; I've got to get this done, so that he can get this done. And I can't even keep the tools of my trade going.
[Speaking of rejections: I can't get published anywhere, for the smallest thing, but an unknown white woman got a seven-figure advance out of a nine-figure international auction to tell a story that wasn't hers to tell and to do a shitty job of it, putting immigrants at risk, all while getting critical acclaim and lots of cash and a book party that included BARBED-WIRE PARTY FAVORS, because OF COURSE. And y'all want me to be "polite," "civil," "not so angry" about white supremacy.]
Meanwhile, I'm reduced still to trying to get work done with a torn ankle and subluxed hips and knees, and now two barely functional hands, and a laptop that continues to deteriorate by the day (a camera, too, and both are essential for our work — not just mine, but his). I'm also trying to plan for all the expenses of winter to come. The Pueblo closure is slated to last two full months this time, so it will be worse than usual. In that period of time, there will be taxes to pay, his scrip to keep refilling, his dental work to try somehow to get done, and forget about my own follow-up tests, to say nothing of plumbing/wall repairs or all the work still unfinished on the house; I'm scrapping everything, because we can't afford it. Yes, I'm due for follow-up scans and biopsies already, and they're not going to happen, because we don't have five figures' worth of scratch to waste on it. I've still got to make sales, try to drum up new Patreon subscribers, do whatever I can to bring in more money, all on top of everything else. Folks can help in several ways (sales are always preferred):
Please share everything. Thanks.
All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.
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