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| Photo copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. |
For us, this day is a bit anti-climactic, considering the traditional weight we give to the solstice. Still, it's the colonial world that governs us all, so here we are, working to follow the lines of the new year.
I'm glad 2019 is behind us. It was mostly terrible, beginning with endless expensive tests that did nothing to diagnose why I nearly died twice two years ago, but instead inflicted an affirmative diagnosis of cancer on me, one for a nasty strain of it that thankfully proved to be [a whole series of] clinical error[s]. There was the equally endless hounding from the bill collectors throughout, and a series of events that forced me to take matters into my own hands and dig up multiple diagnoses for myself (since confirmed by my doctor). Wings's nephew contracted West Nile meningoencephalitis in early August and remains hospitalized, now thankfully at a transitional-care facility in Denver preparatory to neuro rehab. We lost our horse vet in November; people don't pay their bills, and she couldn't run her practice at a loss any longer. We said goodbye to Coyote, far too soon; to Raven; to a few of the chickens. As the year faded, we said goodbye to more and more people, four in as many weeks leading up to Christmas alone, on top of a great many more over the course of the year. And we've endured probably the leanest holiday season we've ever had, with only one Christmas commission during what is normally three months' worth of labor. And through it all, the endless physical pain, and the likewise endless struggle to keep fighting.
Right now, we have bitter cold and an array of first-of-the-year expenses with no holiday sales income yet to cover them. And still, we hope 2020 proves to be a better year.
But the stresses will not ease much, if at all. Some are heightened. One of my Patreon subscribers very kindly informed me a few weeks ago of changed circumstances so that I would not be surprised by their unsubscribing. But it's a $100/month decrease I have yet to be able to replace. I'm deferring all follow-up medical testing for now, despite the fact that I would ordinarily be due for it beginning next month. There is too much else that needs paying. The only work on the ouse we're scheduling right now is what we hope will be the last of the plumbing fixes (and we won't be doing that just yet, because there's no money for it). And still I feel guilty with every dollar I spend that's not on bills, which is why things like candles to deal with the residual mildew from the plumbing disaster remain on the wishlist; we children of grinding poverty can rationalize almost anything for almost anyone else, anyone except ourselves. And I have no illusions about the fact that we will still need help to make it through this year. Folks can help in several ways (sales are always preferred), and we really need it now:
Please share everything. Thanks.
All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.
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