Hell isn't fire. It's ice.

Photo copyright Aji, 2016; all rights reserved.

Just in case anybody was wondering.

That is what it still looks like here.  After two weeks of digging out.

You know, I really hate the so-called "spoon theory." The imagery just irritates the hell out of me. But at the same time, it gets the job done in explaining what existence is like for some of us.

I have no spoons right now, none, zip, zero, nada, gaawiin gegoo.

We haven't had plumbing, not in any real sense, for two days now. Frozen solid. [Yes, we've already taken every step you've thought of, and some you haven't. Trust me on this. This is a yearly thing, given our current living arrangements (and for what I hope is the last winter in this thing), and there are only so many options, given age, obsolescence, and extreme temperatures.]

We have spent this year so far shoveling snow and shoveling shit, and in the few minutes cadged here and there between those two, the laborious work of caring for Cree, and half a day consumed with closing off the hay barn to keep the elk out. We've shot way past fatigue to somewhere well beyond exhaustion by now. For me, it's the kind of exhaustion that beggars sleep; I've had virtually none since 5 AM or so yesterday. I did greet the morning with subluxed knees, so there's that. I'm managing with them, but the pain in my collarbone (effects of the cold on an old stress injury) is about to take what remains of my sanity.

I had thought, hoped, that I could get to some other things this week. So far, it's not looking very likely. The last two days have been frankly unspeakable. There is one possibility for relieving one part of the workload, but two of the major issues can't be handled by anyone else. Yes, the plumbing, which is highly specialized and also way beyond old, and trust me, there's not anything different that a pro can do about this situation, which we face at least once every winter in this place. Now is apparently that time, and I'm as at the end of my tether about it as every year. The second is Cree, and there's no hiring anyone for it. there are exactly three people here who can handle it, and that's the vet, Wings, and me. We're all doing our respective parts.

All this is by way of saying that I have absolutely nothing left for conversation. Nothing. And I will not be around much save for my two sets of required daily posts, and perhaps the occasional venting. It's not you, it's me, and I have no ability for personal interaction right now beyond what's required for the gallery. That takes everything I have left.

Also, I'm closing comments, and I want no comments on this elsewhere, either. It's not a cry for help (and there is none anyway; it's not a question of money, but simply of who can do what), and It's not a plea for sympathy. It's just a combination of safety valve for me and letting everyone else know why I've gone quiet, and need to stay that way for a while. I have a huge additional workload looming on top of everything else, and since I'm already spoonless by this point, social engagement is one of those things that just is not going to happen.

This first half of 2016?  Two weeks in, and I'm already over it. 




All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2016; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.

We made it.

Photo copyright Aji, 2015; all rights reserved.

This is what slightly fewer than 300 bales of hay looks like.

Photo copyright Aji, 2015; all rights reserved.

We beat the weather . . . mostly. The clouds and thunder and lightning and wind began whipping up while our guy was still cutting, but we'd already gotten half of it loaded, stacked, taken to the barn, and unloaded at that point. The heaviest half. we got caught in a few sprinkles and one brief actual shower (with the sun shining insolently throughout), but none of it was enough to soak the bales still on the ground.

Photo copyright Aji, 2015; all rights reserved.

We had just begun pre-stacking the first round of bales in the fields when the flatbed was returned, along with what would be our (paid, natch) helper for the day. For the most part, Joe drove; Wings loaded; and I stood in the flatbed and stacked. Then we did it all in reverse at the barn. 

Photo copyright Aji, 2015; all rights reserved.

It all went like clockwork. Two things made it possible: 1) The weather, which has been in the 90s for days, barely passed the threshold of 80, and we had a lovely cool breeze all day long; and 2) my body complied the entire day. It appears that both my stamina my upper body strength have actually increased, pretty substantially in fact, over the last year . . . despite constantly feeling as though I'm about to faint from the anemia and hypoglycemia. Yesterday, though, there was very little of the faint feeling, and my body didn't even rebel against the iron supplements for the first time ever. Ask for strength, sometimes you get it. Especially useful since the alfalfa bales were huge and tightly packed, and the guys ell me that some of what we were lifting (yes, me included) were easily 100 pounds apiece.

Photo copyright Aji, 2015; all rights reserved.

We have a lot to catch up on now. Two days of muck duty; more mowing and weeding; Wings has several pieces in various stages on his workbench that will get his attention; maybe, just maybe, I'll get to some of my writing. But the season's first round of the hay is done, and done successfully. Now, it's time to let my muscles and joints and nerves heal, because as cooperative as they were yesterday, today, they're screaming at me. And this afternoon will begin a forecast ten days+ worth of rain.

And just for the record, this is daily life here. It's tough. It's hard, dirty, labor-intensive WORK. It's rewarding as hell, but we get cut no slack; we do it all ourselves. ALL OF IT.



All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2015; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.