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| Photo copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. |
That's the first of the corn: first, and impossibly fragile now. No water. No rain. Our gardens have been scaled back by about 75% from what we had planned, and still I don't know if we'll be able to bring it to harvest.
And still no dogs. Two weeks yesterday morning. Plenty of wildfire smoke here today, though. Everything is terrible.
As I've been saying, I also can't escape this feeling of something accelerating fast now, bearing down on us. Maybe it's knowing what the second wave of this pandemic is going to bring; I don't know. But the pressures on me now are taking a huge toll, and it's turning to fear. And that's making me sicker — sicker than I already am from the pollen storms and the capricious weather. I'm hanging on by fingernails, but I don't know how much longer I can do this. Everything's failing, laptop, camera, everything. And the costs of survival here keep mounting. I never get a moment's respite from the physical pain, and I'm so very, very tired.
This week isn't going to be any better on the financial front, either. In fact, it's desperate; I've had two new big costs crop up suddenly, and no way to cover them without some more sales this week. On the plus side, Wings dropped three new and phenomenally beautiful works two weekends ago, and selling them all would cover the first two quarters' worth of taxes, and probably all of the plumbing repairs, too. You can see them here and here. [He also has several new pairs of earrings in the works, ones made with high-grade stones and/or lots of dangle, but they likely won't be ready for several days yet.] And when I say desperate, I mean exactly that. The load on my shoulders right now is so heavy I can barely breathe; add the stress of the missing dogs, and it's literally killing me.
Because, yes, now I have to come up with enough to cover the plumber next week; he's been working in Albuquerque and this will be his only chance for the foreseeable future to take care of our repairs. I still have to shell out for first quarter taxes, have to come up with enough for all the other bills for the month, and have to come up with another quarterly tax payment by this time next month.
I also have to figure out how to fund the drilling of a new well in August, to the tune of $15K, probably, before we're done with it all, and I need to be able to pay for it before then to reserve a spot (because August is the first opening they have, and there's only one guy doing it here now).
I don't know what to do.
I've got to make sales, I've got to bring in the scratch, and I can't do it without buyers. I can't create money out of nothing. I can squeeze that stone until the world ends, and the only blood I'll get out of it will be from the damage to my hands. We're looking at no return to anything like a normal rate of sales for at least a year, probably more, and I don't know how at this point.
So please. The links are here:
Note: At this point, it's getting to be impossible for us to get some of the things we need without using Amazon. We haven't done so yet, but I suspect we're going to be stuck very soon. There are two new items on it that, with these rains, we now need desperately: both for mosquito control, because we know the mosquitoes in this state carry West Nile, and we've already lost one family member to that disease. Those are URGENT. If you can find any of the items on wishlist elsewhere, we'd prefer you purchase there instead of with Amazon (there's even a wishlist function where you can note that it's been purchased somewhere else), but I we realize that they've managed to make themselves essentially indispensable, especially for rural/rez folks like us who are isolated at the best of times. And these are most surely not the best of times.
Please share everything. Thanks.
All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2020; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.
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