With every fiber of my being.

Photo copyright Aji, 2022; all rights reserved.

The staghorns are scarlet now, and the leaves are already going gold near the base. It's a beautiful tree, never more so than at this time of year. But at the rate the leaves are already turning, we may not have much color left by October. It's [indoor] fire weather already, well into the forties at night, and I began reheating Cricket's frisbee to keep his bed in his doghouse warm again last night. We're still trying to coax him inside, and he wants to come in, but his puppyhood trauma just will not let him get past that initial fear. It breaks my heart; he's such a beautiful sweet boy, and he takes such good care of the pups.

I hate this violent, abusive colonial culture with every fiber of my being.

Not that that's worth much; every fiber of my being is in constant pain these days, and there's nothing I can do about that, either. I did make a decision last week to halt the ketamine treatments, for a variety of reasons. The main one I won't discuss here (and no, it's not a bad trip; I don't get bad trips), but it's not the cost, although that's a factor in supporting it. Also, given the dosing, if it were actually going to affect my pain receptors in any significant way, it would have done so already. 

So this is my life, again: nothing but the barest "management," except it's not actually managing anything. And my connective tissue and joints and organs are simply going to get progressively more damaged, and my function progressively more limited. I keep thinking I've gotten my head around it, and then I find somethign new I can no longer do because of it, and the grief begins all over again. I had some bad moments yesterday over it, and I don't know how to come to grips with something that just keeps worsening.

Especially given everything staring us down right now.

Horse vet got paid Tuesday, so at least that's done. Taxes (this year's current installment, plus the quarterly prepayment for next year, which was due this week and which I don't have, and no, skipping the vet bill wouldn't have made a difference) remain, along with the rest of the monthly expenses (like my medical loan for all that out-of-town testing a few years ago). I need to make several more small-to-medium sales, or one really big one, to get it all done. But my pain and fatigue levels are such that I keep having to correct my typing here; I can't even think straight today, never mind actually sell anything.

I do have the new BIG works now, posted here yesterday. They're absolutely phenomenal, and selling either or both would take care of everything at the moment, but I don't expect that to happen. So we need all the help we can get. All the links are here; please, share them:

• Sales here; 
• Testimonials here; 
• Amazon wishlist here (priority is first and foremost, the other ladder; also sheets);
• Patreon here;
• Ko-fi here.

We're still hoping to put aside enough for a new well when the ground thaws enough to drill in the spring, too, Nah, we've given up on the well. No one's available to drill before late next year at the earliest, and this year's tax burden means we would never be able to afford it anyway. But it's even more of a good time to make a purchase, because Uncle Sam is a vindictive colonizer, and my current stress levels about paying it all are off the charts. And there's lots of fabulous work, so please share all of the links. 

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Wings and Aji, 2022; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.