Focus.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

This is, I hope, the kind of view that will be waiting for me this evening. 

No sleep (shocker, I know). Also likely unavailable most of the day. Snow overnight, in all defiance of the forecast; a dusting, but snow nonetheless. First day of spring (well, okay, as of late this afternoon), and first day of this new journey into the storm for me. Today might be nothing more than scheduling; it might be much more in-depth. Just no way to know until I'm in it. I also don't know where we go from here, beyond what I've been told already about the surgery, I mean. The liver thing is worrisome; I suppose it depends on what the lymph nodes might show. I'm trying to focus on best possible outcomes, which in the short term means getting this particular mass out of my body and, of course, getting everything affected with it. It also means, in my mind, a complete recovery, so that's where my mind has to be.

Speaking of storms, the newest avalanche of medical expenses also begins on today. No, no idea what the initial consult will set me back; if I had to guess, two to three hundred, at least. It's everything that follows that's camped out on my soul and won't budge, since I know that, at a minimum, it will be well into five figures before they're done. As I also said, I don't know what else they may find (i.e., see above about lymph nodes and the two liver tumors, given the pattern this sort of cancer tends to take when it spreads), and thus how long they might need to keep me there. And all of this, of course, is complicated now by truly debilitating levels of body-wide pain and fatigue, so at this point, there aren't even fumes in the tank. Next goal is paying off the hospitals which comes to more than $30K just between the two of them, so here are the links:

• My Patreon, The Interstices (Writing Between Worlds) (and if you subscribe today you won't be billed until March 1st for February);
• Wings's site, for sales, with lots of new items posted;
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount);
• Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of animal and household stuff, with the kibble back on it; we gave several of our existing bags to a local disabled vet with a starving rescue dog who needed the help;
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. I've added two or three new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need.

All we want, to be able to have some confidence in making it through the whole year with whatever they're going to find going wrong in my body, is to make some sales. That's it: sales; nothing else. But I haven't been able to make even that happen, and the stress is telling. Good vibes for Raven are needed today especially (he's still hanging with us, and I need him to be safe while we're out). But we all could use some, too, me most of all. We all could also use some help with sharing Wings's site (and testimonials, if you got 'em). Thanks.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.