Piling up.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

Yesterday evening, when the high had only gotten into the forties. It's currently fifty-four, and the snow is so deep that it's still here on our land, but everywhere else? Slush, dirty water, mud.

Got the labwork this morning that was supposed to happen yesterday. They'd told me not to worry about fasting, and that turned out not to be true, so since I'd already had my coffee, we had to postpone it until today. Cost well over $200 for one blood draw. There's be more tomorrow; Wings is getting injections for his shoulder, and we're waiting for an MRI to be scheduled for him to make sure it's not a torn rotator cuff. On his right shoulder this time, which has the potential to be very, very bad. Everything keeps piling up, like the several feet of snow they cleared off the roofs yesterday.

I may wind up doing a post later to make very clear what I'm dealing with, because I'm already seeing misstatements and inaccuracies everywhere. I may not bother; depends on how I feel. I'm having a tough time today; fasting and dehydration are very, very hard on me at the best of times because I'm hypoglycemic, and with all the added physical pain and breathing difficulties and so forth, this day has been one massive hurdle that I'm not over yet. Lots of extra pain beyond the norm today, too, and I don't now why that it should be unless things are escalating in a way I really don't want to contemplate. (No, don't give me that "psychosomatic" nonsense; this is long-established pain in long-established sites, as in for years, but it's worse today, and I don't know why, given that the weather is better.)

I'm going to have push sales really hard now, because this is escalating fast, and I'm already in the hole on medical stuff more than $30K again. I'm so tired of being dunned by the people who helped put me here by ignoring this, but here we are. That's adding to all the stress, and I have got to figure out a way to bring in enough to get out from under some of it before it literally kills me. We paid out four figures to the tax man on Friday, and there will be more of that to come. We'll have shelled out about a thousand more by the end of this week, plus the $1,600 for the path bill that I couldn't pay online because they neglected to include my patient number, so now I have to wait for the paper copy. If we have to pay up front for the surgery, there will be no surgery, so for the sake of my own survival, I have to pray that they take me in, do it, and then bill me. Yes, I'm scared.

The Pueblo's been closed since the first of the month, and will remain so through most of March. Sales are vanishingly slim, and there's a lot of year ahead of us. We now know that it is cancer, that the costs are going to skyrocket very fast, and that we have no way of paying for it, and neither of us cares; we're doing this. Determination is the word; with Wings's help, I'm going to beat it. So much fear intertwined with all of this, and no end in sight. Even so, all this stuff is piling up fast and I have to get us through the whole year, not just the next two weeks, so please share the links (or use them, if anyone's so inclined):

• My Patreon, The Interstices (Writing Between Worlds) (and if you subscribe today you won't be billed until March 1st for February);
• Wings's site, for sales, with lots of new items posted;
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount);
• Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of animal and household stuff, with the kibble back on it; we gave several of our existing bags to a local disabled vet with a starving rescue dog who needed the help;
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. I've added two or three new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need.

All we want, to be able to have some confidence in making it through the whole year with whatever they're going to find going wrong in my body, is to make some sales. That's it: sales; nothing else. But I haven't been able to make even that happen, and the stress is telling. Good vibes for Raven are still welcome (he's still hanging with us, and I need him to be safe while we're out). But I could use some, too. We all could also use some help with sharing Wings's site (and testimonials, if you got 'em). Thanks.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.