Sometimes, shit breaks.

Photo copyright Aji, 2021; all rights reserved.

Sometimes what you thought something was supposed to be isn't its real form. And sometimes, shit breaks, and you just have to roll with it.

This is one of two currently in the works. He had it done last week with the others, he thought . . . and then the silver snapped around the saw-work. It's beautiful work, though, with incredibly deep, bold stampwork, and rather than consign it to the scrap box as he was about to do, I suggested he connect the two bands with a stone. He's now modified the design completely, and it's going to be stunning.

If only everything broken were so easily fixed.

 

I'm broken right now, and badly. I'm on day four of essentially no use of my right arm, which is my dominant arm. I can barely dress myself. Worse than that is the constant excruciating pain, and none of this is new. I've had this happen since I was a child, but no one would listen to me. "Be quiet and stop looking for attention."  "You're a child; you can't possibly be in pain. Stop looking for attention. If you want attention, I'll give you some work to do." That was the soundtrack of my entire childhood, and as an adult with clearly identifiable autoimmune symptoms, it was STLL the soundtrack of my medical [non]care, mostly white males, pretty much all of them abusive assholes. As abusive as my family.

I'm struggling hard with grief right now. With rage, too. The very people who were supposed to love me, supposed to protect me, made my condition so much worse, and were happy about it. None of this is new, but it's far worse now, and I can only wonder what my life would have been like, who I could have been and what I could have done, if at ANY point along the way anyone who was supposed to care for me had LISTENED to me. 

No one did. And here we are. No, here I am; they don't have to deal with any of it. Only I do. And yes, the subluxations are on doubt EDS-related, but they are ALSO a direct effect of lupus, because lupus causes my body to attack its own connective tissue, thinning it and weakening it, and that in turn allows for the same thing. And if anyone, ANYONE, had actually listened to me and said, hey, this really could be lupus, as you say, and here's something we can try, maybe I wouldn't be in this kind of blinding pain right now, and maybe I'd have the use of my arm.

But nobody could be bothered.

And I am broken, potentially beyond repair, and nobody has to pay for it. Except me, of course; I'm continually paying for it, every second of every day of my life. I've never known a day when I was pain-free. NEVER. I've been finding myself weeping unconsciously a lot today already. Part of it's the physical agony. More of it's the grief.

And since the bills don't give a shit whether I can move or sleep or do anything or not, I have to suck it up on this front, too, because we need sales, and I have to shove the rest down long enough to make some. That's it; nothing else matters right now, and I can't do it alone. Wings has A LOT of new work, so I'd be grateful to everyone who shares it, and of course, if you're in the market, keep us in mind for purchases.

Anyway, links are here:

• Sales here; 
• Testimonials here; 
• Amazon wishlist here (priorities are all the mosquito-prevention items, especially the portables and the patio-surface ones, because Wings can take them around the land with his as he works);
• Patreon here;
• Ko-fi here.

And if you've been contemplating a purchase? This would be a very, very good time to do it; I've got to make up this staggering outlay somehow. There's lots of fabulous new work, so please watch for all of it and share all of the links. 

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Wings and Aji, 2021; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.