Cold and bleak and dead.

Photo copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved.

That was yesterday evening. It's even grayer today. It's a bitter wind that's blowing, and the world's as cold and bleak and dead as the spot in my heart that leaked out into the snow with Coyote's pure little spirit.

Everything will be out of order. It will be half-assed. It will be shit quality, and I can't even be bothered to care. I will not be talking to anyone for a good while yet. A piece of my soul was amputated yesterday, and it cannot be reattached. The grief is a dark, cold, dead thing, and it's all around me now. All I see ahead of me is putting one foot in front of the other, doing the things that have to be done, but there's no joy in the new year, or in anything else right now. I was already at the edge by the end of the year, because of my health issues and the endless soul-killing financial strain. Now, I'll be lucky to be able just to go through the motions of the day. 

Meanwhile, they're picking up the truck this afternoon, and we'll find out later this week just how bad it's going to be. In the meantime, we still have to replace all four tires on the car before we can go to Santa Fe next week for my 14-months-delayed imaging. [Maybe a week or so after that I'll finally find out whether it's nothing to worry about beyond more pain and discomfort on top of what I've had every minute of my life, or find out they fucked around too long and there's nothing anyone can do now.] The stresses just keep piling up, and I can't do anything about any of it except plod forward.

Here are the links for sharing (or using, if anyone's so inclined):

• My Patreon, The Interstices (Writing Between Worlds) (and if you subscribe today you won't be billed until January 1st for December);
• Wings's site, for sales, with lots of new items posted;
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount);
• Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of animal and household stuff;
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).

I've got nothing else. Just grief and loss and fear and sadness and a very bleak year stretched out ahead.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.