Raven.

Photo copyright Aji, 2018; all rights reserved.

Raven needs your good vibes now.

We have known for some time that he likely doesn't have long, although Wings doesn't like thinking about it. He has developed a number of masses, inside and out, and they have grown in number and size rapidly in recent weeks. All of our dogs were treated with the same topical flea treatment years ago, and we are convinced that it is the thing that has caused this cancer cluster in them, although there is also a known cancer cluster in the are with regard to horses (not just our own, but regionally, with no identified source). Raven has struggled his whole life with metabolic and inflammatory issues, a product of the starvation and abuse he suffered in his first year of life before he found us, and those factors have all exacerbated his health issues now. 

I was concerned yesterday that it might be . . . well, it. The trauma of losing his little sister last Sunday will not have failed to affect him. But he rallied. Today, we had to be gone about 3.5 hours because of the car (now repaired and in good shape, following the estimate virtually to the penny). We came home to a disaster. Latent separation anxiety apparently kicked in, morphing into full-out fear and a full-out freakout, too. There's damage. [Not to him; only to wood.] He's worn himself out, and he's now sleeping on his bed. We kept him inside because of this morning's terrible cold, with a big bone to keep him occupied, but apparently the loss of his little sister somehow morphed, in his brain, into the potential loss of us, and he just lost it. So more repairs, more clean-up, and, of course, more worry over him, because he may not have long. When I have my imaging appointment, we'll leave him outside to lord it over the other two pups. 

If you're wondering why we haven't taken him to the vet, there's a solid reason. WE've known this was coming for a while, and we've also known about some of Raven's PTSD issues. He is terrified of physical pain, and he reacts very badly, which is why we've done our best to limit his vet visits to true emergencies. It's less about the reaction per se (that's what muzzles are for) than it is about the retraumatizing effects it inflicts on him. Invasive or drastic measures, like chemo, would utterly destroy his quality of life, and we'd rather have him live out what time he has in as much comfort as possible, as free of fear as possible. Even so, he's clearly having more difficulty now (although also clearly experiencing great joy in the snow and with his bones and just having his head scratched and sleeping at our feet), so if he doesn't have to join his little sister just yet, we'd be very happy. So whatever good vibes, prayers, energy you can send his way, he can use it.

The car is done, as I said; the truck is on hold because . . . yeesh, it's the cost of a down payment just to get the engine out, never mind fix it. There's also more medical stuff in addition to the car, and there will be much more medical stuff after that, although we don't know the form and shape it will take yet. Hopefully, something fixable, and relatively easily so. Meanwhile, all this stuff is piling up fast, so here are the links for sharing (or using, if anyone's so inclined):

• My Patreon, The Interstices (Writing Between Worlds) (and if you subscribe today you won't be billed until January 1st for December);
• Wings's site, for sales, with lots of new items posted;
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount);
• Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of animal and household stuff;
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. There are new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need to replace (either because the RV ruined it or because we gave it away when we had to downsize).

Coyote is in the spirit world now, and this hole in my heart is never going away. I'd really like not to have it grow by Raven size right now. Meanwhile, we have to keep going, and I need to get moving, chasing sales to pay for the truck repairs and this avalanche of medical bills.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.