Still motivated.

Photo copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved.

Still here; still motivated. By bones and treats, anyway. That was yesterday; today, Raven's over in the same spot, sans bone, but wide awake. He's not in pain, and that's a blessing. The hard part is seeing him fade right before my eyes, sleeping more and longer and more deeply, seeing bits and pieces winding themselves down in very literal terms. One of these times, he may not awaken, and I have to be okay with that every time he goes to sleep. And also with the knowledge that that would still be ideal, rather than having to take other measures. Another blessing is that the other dogs are all clearly aware of what his condition means, and just as clearly choosing to support him rather than take advantage of the situation.

Meanwhile, the medical and financial pressures continue to build, and there seems to be no end and no outlet. A month late, I finally got the bill for the second biopsy yesterday. It's more than twice what I was told it would be (and believe me, I interrogated them about it beforehand); it's four figures, and I don't have it. Even at that price, it's still less expensive than the first go-round, but that's a distinction without a difference now. And the kicker? They've billed me for tests that should've been complete in 72 hours, and I STILL have no results. Taxes and medical tests have wiped us out, and I have no idea how to go forward from here. Add the inevitability of Raven's condition into that mix, and I'm finding it increasingly difficult to keep putting one foot in front of the other, but it's all that's left to me now.

I also can't breathe for shit. The ingredients in the inhaler I was using finally apparently reached critical mass in my system, resulting in random periodic outbreaks of hives. So far, my doctor has not been able to find an alternative, which means I'm spending a lot more time on oxygen. Stress isn't helping with that; those other bills, the two hospital ones that still amount to $30K specifically, are killing me. I'm breaking under the weight of the financial pressures right now. I have to raise that $30K very fast, because that, too, is coming to a breaking point, and we can't do it without making some very big sales. [If we could sell the new concha belt (featured today, right below this post) and the butterfly maiden necklace, that would take care of what remains on the heart hospital bill. Then I could focus on the local one with the much higher balance, because they are the ones who are killing me with the stress. when I say "breaking point," I'm not just referring to bill collectors; I'm also referring to what my own body can take at this point, and the answer to that is "not much more."] We also can't do it without help. Here are the links:

• My Patreon, The Interstices (Writing Between Worlds) (and if you subscribe today you won't be billed until May 1st for April);
• Wings's site, for sales, with lots of new items posted;
• Wings's direct PayPal link;
• A way to buy me coffee (which actually goes to all of our medical bills, which continue to mount);
• Amazon wishlist, which mostly consists of animal and household stuff, with the kibble back off it, because Wings can't lift the boxes right now with his shoulder;
• Partial registry #1, from Bed, Bath and Beyond. I've added two or three new kitchen-y things on it now, stuff that I didn't realize we'd need.

Sales, sharing Wings's site (and testimonials, if you got 'em, please) — that's what we need. Also good vibes for Raven for everything to be easy and pain-free and comfortable for him for whatever time he has, which is pretty clearly not long. We thought perhaps it might be the other night, but he made it very clear that he had decided against that, and so we will support him as long as he chooses to be here. Thanks.

All content, including photos and text, are copyright Aji, 2019; all rights reserved. Nothing herein may used or reproduced in any form without the express written permission of the owner.